


Keep The Homefires Burning

by Honey_Rae_Pluto, softnsquishable



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Historical, Character Death, Class Differences, Discussion of Abortion, Dom Brian May, Dom Freddie Mercury, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mpreg, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Racism, Pre Great War, Pregnancy, References to Depression, Sub John Deacon, Sub Roger Taylor (Queen), Unplanned Pregnancy, World War I, beta tim staffle, dom john reid, sub elton john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Rae_Pluto/pseuds/Honey_Rae_Pluto, https://archiveofourown.org/users/softnsquishable/pseuds/softnsquishable
Summary: In 1913 Brian inherits a large manor in the countryside, pulling him away from the busy city life he's used to. Roger and the rest of the servants in the house soon realise that their new master is very different from the last, and that this could be the dawn of a new era.Until war breaks out.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Elton John/John Reid, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 87
Kudos: 102





	1. A Garden of Eden

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> So this is actually my favourite thing me and @softnsquishable have done, I promise it's as historically accurate as can be, with obvious changes for the ABO universe. That being said, there will be some serious topics crop up (such as implications of sexual assault in this first chapter), but they will appear in the tags as we go.
> 
> On a lighter note, I'd love to see some feedback for this, there will be - as always - snippets accompanying every chapter on my tumblr. First one will drop tomorrow since it's four am and I'm lazy. If you would like to request anything then you can just head over there and do so, I'm always happy to get attention.
> 
> Just to cut it off there, I hope you all enjoy this, there will be fairly regular updates!
> 
> Love,  
> Pluto

Brian sighed, slouching back into his seat. This wasn't ideal. 

So much for being in the royal astronomical society, so much for even having a degree. He didn't even care to look out of the window, it wouldn't be home. He'd set it very clearly in his head, just because he was now the Earl, therefore lord of the manor, doesn't mean it would be home. Home was London, in his digs, studying: the life of a wealthy bachelor like everyone should, certainly not in the dreary country with the equally dreadry country folk. 

But then an uncle of his father's passed away, the inheritance falling to them. Well HIM specifically, since his parents already had one large estate to manage, and he wasn’t exactly cut out for ‘the reality of townsmanship’ as they had so lovingly put it.

He wasn’t built to be a commander general, debates on politics seemed to reach no termination that interested him, and he had no plans to ever get married. Brian knew settling as a scholar was sub-par, he was high born, he should be less of an embarrassment in the middle of nowhere.

They stopped up by the manor, still being put to rights by the handful of staff he'd been given, well, handed from the previous owner. He knew his great uncle had been old, so he doubted the condition of the place. 

"Is this it?" He looked at the driver as he got out (either a strange looking Dom, or an even stranger looking sub, he couldn't tell), handing him his coat. "It's Frank, isn't it?"

"Frederick, sir, and yes - this is the May property. The staff are all waiting inside for you."

Roger had been working all day. Okay, that wasn't any different than usual. But he was working especially hard with John this time. Things had to be PERFECT for their new master. Maybe he was younger than the one before, but that didn't mean he was any less in charge. Or any less demanding. 

"Here, John, the car is outside." Roger took a comb out of his apron, brushing John's whisps back into place gently. They had to look appropriate too. No matter that they were regarded about as low as the dirt they cleaned up, dressed in glorified rags, etc. They were still subs and expected to present as such.

"Stop fussing, I look fine." John shook his head, wiping a smudge of coal off Roger's cheek gently. "Use a mirror, blondie." 

"Fuck… no time..." Roger sighed softly, tugging John's hand and bringing him to the line up, by where Elton was already in position. He got down on his knees with him at the end of the line, keeping his head down for now.

"If you'll allow me to introduce the household," Freddie, despite being poor and coming from what many referred to as 'a colony family' had charisma by the bucket load, so it was his job to do the talking now.

“This is our groundsman, Mr Reid, Alpha. Should you have any children he would become a tutor too. Roger Taylor and John Deacon, both submissives, as housekeepers, John does the cooking and any domestic medical requirements, and Roger will be your personal servant,” He pointed to them as he went, “This is Tim Staffle, Beta. He’s just fourteen, but he’s a good valet and footman. Elton John, also omega, a go between for stock and money.”

Each of them nodded when their name was spoken. They were only going to meet his eyes if they were addressed, especially the subs… which was most of them. Roger was studying Brian's shoes. Expensive, if a bit less tasteful than he would have gone for, given the circumstances. If Roger had the money this estate did...

"Very... eh, good," Brian said awkwardly. He wasn't used to being the master of the house. Obviously he was used to servants acting as they should around him, even ordering the odd thing - but he couldn't very well hide behind his dad now. "You may all go back to work, I should like shown to my rooms."

"Very good." Freddie dismissed the others and they walked off. "Come along then, I'll give you the grand tour."

"Thanks." Brian nodded, not really being able to see much of the sub servants at all. He followed Freddie, unsure whether the man's flamboyance was irritating or admirable. Wasn't very suitable for a Dom, you couldn't do that in the city and not get punched. 

He was shown the parts of the house he would need - obviously there were servants quarters and kitchens etc, but he didn't need to know the goings on. "So this is what? The dining room?"

"Did the table give it away?" Freddie nodded. "Adjacent to the kitchen but just enough space so no mess or leftover aromas spill in. The servants eat in the kitchen. The dining room is for you and your guests only."

Brian rolled his eyes. As if there would be guests, he was in the arse end of nowhere with no one he knew. "I think I'll take my meals in my room, you can tell the staff they can use the table - and not to mind about using the servant’s stairs and passages. I don’t care for all that."

"If you say so, sir." Freddie nodded, making sure he made a mental note. "Alright then. I believe that's all you need to know. If you have any questions, just ask me or one of the others. They know the house."

"Thanks again," Brian looked down at him, there wasn't much to say to servers, he thought. He ventured upstairs, they'd never actually gone into the rooms, although he doubted they'd have permission to be in there with him. The quarters were a good size, bigger than the suit he had at his parents'. There was a sort of drawing room leading into the bedroom, and ensuite and a balcony. Sort of reminded him of an old man's house, he supposed it probably had been several times over. He didn't even notice the younger man still cleaning.

Roger was just giving a bit of extra shine to the windows and woodwork. He turned around when he heard Brian, bowing right away. "I'll leave you be, sir. Just making sure everything was spic and span. Please, if there's anything in here that isn't to your liking, I'll have it fixed immediately. And I'm at your beck and call."

"It's alright, really. You've all done a lot on the house," Brian have him a flicker of a smile, "You're Roger? Or is it John, I couldn't really keep up with how quickly the Stewart spoke."

"Roger. You can tell us apart by our hair, I'm the blonde that just does the waiting. He's the nurse and stuff." Roger folded his hands in his apron. "I can help you navigate names until they're straight. But you don't have to use names, call us anything you like. Same thing the other way, we'll address you how you choose."

"I um... I'll go for first names," Brian decided, not wanting to feel like a complete stranger in his own house, "You can call me Brian when not in public."

"Right, sir… uh, Brian, I'm sorry." He shook his head. "That's another thing. All the subs are yours to punish or enjoy as you please. None of us are going to fight you."

"Enjoy as I please?" Brian frowned, the words taking a minute to make sense, "No, absolutely not. If there is something genuinely amiss I will talk to whoever it is regardless of status, I will not deal with things THAT way."

"It's not just about punishments," Roger told him. "We're here to help you in all your needs. Whatever you want us to do. It's nothing we're not used to."

"Well I certainly don't need to fuck something to get through the day," he couldn't help but snap, using language he probably shouldn't in front of a sub, but there was an assumption there, an assumption about who he was. "That'll be everything, you may go now."

"Yes, Brian." Roger nodded and left quickly. Oh, fantastic. He just got the new head of the house upset on the very first day. The first NIGHT. Shit. Well done, Roger. He shuffled off to the kitchen to check on dinner for now.

"Is it coming along, Deacy?"

"Oh thank god, I was worried about you - watch that pot doesn't boil over - I thought you were already in his bed," John didn't look up from what he was chopping, "Fred said we can eat in the main hall."

"Oh. How… interesting." Roger nodded and stood by the stove. "No, actually, uh… he wants us to call him Brian in private and he got offended when I suggested that we were at his disposal in that way. Threw me out."

"Probably got something wrong with him," John shrugged, "Gay maybe? Still, each to their own. As long as we don't have to do anything it suits me just fine."

"Suppose we should be grateful," he agreed with a little nod. "You'd rather be kept for your own dom, as understanding as he is."

"We haven't got anything going for us," John commented, "even if we were to claim, I wouldn't be allowed to work, and there's no way we'd manage on just his wages."

"I know. It's a shame HE couldn't inherit something somewhere." Roger shook his head. "Someday, things will work out. Somehow."

"If you say so... Here, do you want to call everyone in?" John took over the pot, "Since we’re to dine like lords while the lord dines like a recluse."

"If this is the new normal. Have his tray together and I'll take it up after I round up the troops." Roger toned down the flame and went around, gathering the others in to wash up before walking back to take the tray. "You don't think he's a picky eater, is he? I mean, no one should be, with how you cook."

"Vegetarian." John made a face, "A man who can afford the finest cuts of the most expensive meat chooses vegetables the common folk eat."

"What a character… and we don't even know his character yet." Roger picked up the tray, after adding a drink. "Wish me luck."

***

"Enter." Brian called, sitting at his bureau when he heard the knock, "Oh good... I didn't mean to snap, before, I didn't mean... I'm... Yeah."

"It's quite alright." Roger set the tray down. "John is an amazing cook, you'll enjoy his fare."

"By the looks of it I will," Brian nodded, "Is this what it's like here all the time? Just quiet."

"Yes, very," Roger agreed. "Unless there's a group dinner or a party or something, but those are dependent on you and your connections and if you host those sorts of things."

"Unlikely then," Brian started picking at the bread, "I would like a tour around the village though."

"Of course." Roger nodded and put his hands in his apron pocket again. "I can take you tomorrow if you wish."

"I've not nothing else on my schedule, I'd like to at least see if there's anything I could do in the town," Brian said, "Even if it is just running errands."

Roger nodded. Running errands? He practically owned the town too.

"We can leave after breakfast. I'll be ready to go."

"Thank you, you can go now," Brian gave him a proper smile this time, "Enjoy your dinner."

"Thank you. You too, Brian." Roger smiled softly too, leaving the room and closing the door. He walked down to the kitchen again. He really was… sort of sweet. Quirky perhaps. But kind?

"Hey, blondie," Freddie called him over from where they were all sitting, "Everything alright?"

Roger nodded and sat down. "I'm taking him on a tour of the town tomorrow."

"He's gonna get a nasty shock when he finds there's no brothel." Tim quipped, "Not much of anything a young little rich boy expects."

"He doesn't really seem like the type to be honest." Roger told him, starting to eat his food. 

"How much have you talked about in three minutes?" Elton asked, after putting what was enough salt for both him and the people on either side (literally, because he dusted off in both directions) on his plate.

"Well they've chatted about what happens to the subs, and apparently he won't touch them." John reported, somewhat disbelievingly, "And he lets us call him by his name. What're the bets? Mentally ill? Gay? Generic tragic backstory?"

"Let's just hope it lasts, whatever it is." Freddie put his hand on John's thigh beneath the table. "The less abuse you all have to suffer the better."

John gave him a look. They really had to be more subtle. Obviously everyone in the household knew, but still. "Behave and eat your dinner, you are right though."

"Of course, dear." Freddie nodded and went back to his veggies. "Are we going to all have to be leaf eaters now as well then?"

"Well if any of you boys fancy killing something go ahead, I've been too busy to go to the butcher's," John tutted, "Anyway, it's good for you."

"So's exercise," Elton added, "Doesn't mean I'm going to do any."

"Listen to your mother, will you?" Roger nudged John gently as he stood up. "He knows best."

"Retiring already?" Tim asked. "Getting ready for your big date tomorrow then."

"Don't even joke about that," Roger told him sternly.

"Does appear to be that you are his favourite," Mr Reid spoke up for once, "You'd do well to take care. Young city born Doms, they don’t hear no very often."

"The only reason that he's favoring me in any way is because I'm the only one he's had an interaction with," Roger was certain. "Nothing special going on. I'm his handmaid, nothing more to it.'

"Still, you best get off to bed, I'll bring up some hot water tomorrow morning for you to clear all that muck," John told him, since we usually got up just after Freddie stoked the fires. "If he's taking you outside you shouldn't look a state."

"Thank you, John." Roger nodded and set his plate in the kitchen, before heading back to he and John's shared quarters. He made sure his nicest of humble sub wear was clean and presentable before tucking in for some rest.

***

Brian wasn't so good at mornings. Getting up before ten seemed a catastrophe of sorts, and if he could get away with it he'd stay in bed until lunch. During the night he had somewhat forgotten where he was, so the knocking didn't wake him up.

Roger sighed softly, shaking his head. He supposed it was alright to be tired, but… well, he may as well. He balanced the tray on one side and let him in, shutting the door. "Brian? It's nearly half eight, sir."

He just grumbled, rubbing his eyes sitting up in bed (shirtless, which didn't go unnoticed). "Thanks."

"My pleasure." Roger walked over and set the tray down, not seeming too bothered. "If you need any help getting sorted let me know. I'll be ready to leave whenever you are."

"M'alright," he nodded, "I'll be about ten minutes... What's the best way to get to the town?"

"It's walkable, but we can certainly take a horse cart there if you like." Roger stepped back, folding his hands. "Should I have it made ready for you?" 

"I'd prefer the walk if that's alright with yourself, I spent most of yesterday in a carriage." Brian decided, "It would be nice to see some of the countryside."

"Excellent." Roger nodded. "Call if you need me. Otherwise I'll wait downstairs."

"Agreed, could you send the cook my compliments, the food is very good here." Brian smiled, more awake now.

"Thank you. I'm sure he appreciates it." Roger smiled softly too. "I'll see you downstairs then, Brian."

Brian nodded, watching him go. Roger seemed very forward for a submissive, not disrespectful, but just forward enough to make good conversation.

***

"Rog, mind you take your warmer coat, it's nippy out," John reminded him as he passed, "Oh and if you want to go back into the town withElton later for supplies you can."

"If I have time." Roger nodded and got a bit more coffee for himself. "He says to give you his compliments, he likes your cooking quite a bit."

"Well he's noticed more than the last one," John commented, "I'll have a lunch made up for you when you get back."

"Thank you, dear." Roger patted his shoulder gently. "I'll let you know how he is later."

"You do that, and be careful out there," John told him, "I don't need you catching a chill."

"I won't," he assured him. "I'll make sure I'm covered up and everything."

John nodded, satisfied with that answer. Not that he was feeling one hundred percent well himself. 

"Roger?" Brian crept his head around the door, since he'd not been shown these areas, "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yes, of course." Roger nodded and walked to him, picking up his coat. "Let's go then."

The walk between the house and the town was pleasant, at least to Brian’s unfamiliar eye. The air was cleaner than the city smog, and even in the cold pale morning he could feel the benefit of it. Maybe this wouldn’t be horrific.

"So... Tell me a little about yourself," Brian inquired after they got onto the road, "Don't worry, I'm not doing staff checks, I'm just curious."

"I don't think there's much to learn," he told him. "I've worked for this household since I was about fifteen years old. Nothing much happened before then. Nothing much since."

"Oh..." He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, it wasn't like people here did much anyway. And it did reiterate that it was a fairly young household, everyone seemed to be in their early twenties, maybe not Reid, but no one was old. "So you've no family or anything?"

Roger shook his head. "I only had my mother. She was here before me. I took her place when she passed away."

"I'm sorry to hear that, really," Brian told him, "That can't have been easy."

"It's what I was preparing for from the day I was born really," he admitted. "I always knew my place."

"That's maybe so, doesn't stop reality hurting," Brian nodded, "At least you have a purpose now, until you can find yourself an alpha."

"Unlikely." Roger put his hands in his coat pockets. "People so low in status as I or John don't have a chance of securing a match, not with enough status to keep us, even if we fell in love."

"You'll always have a place to go within my household," Brian promised, "I'll make sure that all my staff are maintained in good health, even if you retire in your old age."

"That's a kind gesture, Brian. It's… there are social norms to adhere to, though." Roger shook his head. "Some things are meant to be a certain way. We accept it. This is our lot in life. Someone has to do everything to keep things balanced."

"I know that, and if I'm resigned to watch over this house for the rest of my life, I'd like to at least keep the same people around me," He reasoned, "Even when they find me a sub and more staff join. I'd like at least to know someone."

"Well we're not going anywhere," Roger assured him. "None of us are bad folks. We all have our quirks but we're hard workers and all quite kind people too, when you get to know us."

"I would like to get to know everyone. I'm not so keen on this divide between the statuses." Brian told him, he was about to mention some of the more highbrow literature on the subject, but would it have got to this area? Would the subs even know how to read let alone analyse?

"If you ever feel like dining with us, that'd be a start. Otherwise just go bother people when they work. They'd love a distraction anyways, really." Roger looked up as they came to the edge of the town.

"I'll bear that in mind," Brian nodded, "You're very quick witted for a sub."

"Wait till you hear me recite Shakespeare in french. Or in song." Roger smiled a bit proudly. "Shall we see the town then?"

"And we were always told you country folk were illiterate," Brian joked, "Go ahead, what's around here then?"

"Vicious rumors." Roger guided him down the road. "Most of the shops are in one stretch. The bakery is here, then the butcher's shop, the corn exchange here, and so on. The signs tell you what they are most of the time, some of ‘em have pictures like the cobbler’s shop there."

"I'm sure it should be easy to navigate," He looked around, "Is there much industry? I've knowledge of physics, I'd like to help if possible."

"Uh… not that I'm aware of," Roger told him. "There is a book shop, on this road. Don't know if you'd find anything to interest you there."

"This place has to have something," Brian thought, "What's the agriculture like? Are the ploughs still horse drawn? This is a peat area, is that being investigated?"

"Yes, things are done by hand quite a bit," Roger told him. "The farms are just a bit farther out, in the open spaces. They bring the produce in every day, fresh. And the taste is worth the work, as I'm sure you could tell.'

"Yeah..." He could come up with something, somehow, "I'll have a look at it."

"You can see them from the wall over here." He gestured over a stone wall, overlooking it all. "Down in the valley. See all the rows? Pretty lovely a view really, even nicer at sunrise. Or sunset."

"I suppose it is, never really left the city enough to see so much green," Brian admitted, "It's just so quiet."

"I think that's part of what makes it nice," he told him, leaning on the wall. "The views, fresh food, fresh air. You should see the stars tonight if you're not too tired, they're magnificent."

"I'm an astronomer, or I would've been," Brian told him, "I'd love to see it all in the clear sky."

"Just open your drapes tonight. Faces West. You'll get a lovely view. And there's lots of space around the house to wander and get a view from the other angles." Roger wasn't too knowledgeable about any of it, but he knew enough to appreciate the beauty of the sky.

"Right, I will." It seemed he had things to keep him occupied, "Is that a sweet shop?"

Roger nodded affirmatively. "It's open too."

"Come on then. What do you fancy? It's on me," Brian smiled, remembering some childhood memory, "We could get pear drops or liquorice allsorts."

"I don't know how long it's been since I've had sweets..." Roger looked at the window. "I used to be quite fond of these chocolate covered apples as a little one. Or chocolate covered caramel chews...I suppose anything covered in chocolate really."

"Very exotic," Brian grinned. Maybe he was putting too much enthusiasm into it, but it had been years since he'd bought sweets, and it seemed a way to get Roger to smile. "Come on."

Roger followed him into the store, looking around. Had he ever been in here? His mum usually just handed him the sweets from her apron pocket. It was only on special days: Christmas, his birthday or a few other times in the year when he'd really earned it (or she had rather, for whatever she'd had to accomplish to earn an extra bit). It was a bit of a little wonderland.

Brian ordered a shillings worth of a few different types of sweets, one bag for himself, the rest to be shared out. "Oh, and a bar of chocolate for our fair omega here, if you would be so kind."

"Of course, sir." If the shopkeeper thought anything was strange about them he didn't show it. He handed it all over in a bigger paper bag with the others inside, adding an extra ha’penny chew. "Welcome to the village, I presume.

"Correct, and good day," Brian gave him a smile, turning to Roger, handing him the chocolate that was on top, "Come on, let's get going."

Roger nodded and followed him out, putting the candy in his pocket. "Careful not to spoil your lunch, Dea… uh, John is gonna have it ready for us at home."

"Don't you fret, I used to do this all the time," Brian assured him, "Every three months I'd come home from school and my governess would take me to get sweets when I was little."

"Best be careful now that no one is rationing the sweets intake but yourself now. I'm definitely no governess." Roger walked along the road with him back towards the manor.

"If you say so, I only got the fudge fancies for myself, the rest is for you lot," Brian informed him, "You know, to say thank you for getting the place ready and everything."

"It's our pleasure, our job description and all, but we really appreciate it." Roger smiled at him. "You're so different. In the best way."

"We're all stuck here, night as well have a nice time," he didn't think about it long enough to really consider how different their circumstances were.

Roger could fall in love enough as much as he wanted, but never marry. Brian would get married when they found a suitable match, although he doubted it would ever be love.

"I like that philosophy." Roger nodded and looked back where he was going. Brian really was something else, wasn't he?

"If there's any problems I'd like to hear about them, in the household I mean. I gather my father’s uncle preferred to not see the inner workings, but if there is anything needed by the staff come straight to me."

"Will do," Roger assured him. "I'm sure this is the beginning of a new era of sorts, a good one. I hope you'll be happy here.

"I believe so," Brian nodded, "A new era all round."

Roger got them back to the house shortly. "I'll go get the others for lunchtime. Do you want the meal in your room?"

"Probably best, I don't really know anyone other than you and Freddie," Brian told him, "Perhaps supper, give them some warning. I don't want to scare any of the subs."

Roger refrained from laughing and just nodded. "I'll make sure they're prepared.”


	2. With Nothing to Marr our Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> There is an attempted abortion in this chapter, please don't read if this bothers you.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> There is an attempted abortion in this chapter, please don't read if this bothers you.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> Hiya, hope everyone is enjoying the story so far, as above - this chapter is getting to the darker side of it all. If you find this sensitive or triggering, please please don't put yourself through it.
> 
> There's also some period typical attitudes, none of the characters are fully exempt. Although these are changed for the sake of the ABO verse, it's a pretty thin veil, so just be weary that they're there.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I appreciate the comments and feedback!!!
> 
> Love,  
> Pluto

"You've still got your corset and petticoats on," Tim commented the moment Roger had turned the corner, "Which means I own Fred tuppence. Bugger. How was it?”

He held up the bar. "He got me this for guiding him around. And he's joining us all for dinner. He wants to get to know us."

"First of all, can I've a bit? Second that's a bit weird, innit?" Tim made a face, "Rubbing his wealth in everyone's faces? Does he not remember what happened when Marie Antoinette did that?"

"I don't think that's the point," Roger replied, shaking his head. "And maybe later. But really, though, he seems sincere. He wants to look at the stars and read books and buy sweets unsupervised. I don't think he wanted to be here."

"I don't know how much sympathy he's gonna get, but alright," Tim shrugged, letting them into the dorms. Obviously there were a few tiny rooms, John and Roger and Elton shared two the two at the end, the small ones. Tim's and Fred's were slightly bigger one’s, but Freddie and John often shared, and then Mr Reid had his own smaller one since he worked at night sometimes in the garden.

"Mr R is on lunch, John had a bit of a funny turn."

"What do you mean?" Roger asked, pushing his hair over his shoulder a bit. "Was there a fuss or an accident or something?"

"No, no he's alright now, probably just needed some water," Tim assured him, or tried to, "Elton and Fred have been making it a bit more of a catastrophe than it is."

"I'll go and check on him then," he told him. "John's a nurse, and we'll find him another one if he won't give us a proper answer."

"Well if you don't mind I'm gonna steer clear of this, too many emotions, the lot of you." Tim excused himself and swanned off to the kitchen.

Roger walked off to he and John's room. He knocked gently before walking inside. "Darling? John, are you sleeping dear?"

At first he thought it might be Fred, but he'd just got rid of him. There was too much work for both of them to be off. " You can come in, love, I'm alright."

Roger stepped in and shut the door. "Tim said you weren't feeling very well. I got worried about you, what's happened?"

"It was just a little hot in the kitchen perhaps, I had a lot of layers on for going out later," John shrugged, curling his legs up so Roger could perch on the bed, "I felt a touch faint and Freddie got protective."

"You do look a little pale, dear, and you're not prone to fainting under heat." Roger sat down and brushed his hair back gently. "How are you feeling now?"

"I'm perfect, absolutely dandy," John sighed, "Really, heat any day now probably just that. How was your little rendezvous with our lord and master?"

"He bought me sweeties and he's joining us all for dinner," Roger told him, taking the bar out. "A bit might make you feel better, get your energy up."

"He's very, I don't know, odd?" John took the piece, grateful for the treat. "I still think there must be something wrong with him."

"Maybe." Roger put a little piece in his mouth too. "He called me 'fair' and 'quick witted' and he was really interested in learning about me for some reason. I kept it brief."

"Right move," John nodded, "What's he having dinner with us for? Are we in trouble already?"

"He wants to get to know us all. I offered lunch, but he said he didn't want to 'scare the subs', give them a bit of time to prepare."

"How very modern of him," John rolled his eyes, time to get up and do some work, "I tell you, they're all like that, these posh alphas."

"If you say so." Roger slipped the gown off, putting it in the closet and grabbing one of his more every day robes.

"John, Rog, there's sweeties been ditched on the table for us," Elton seemed to have a few in his mouth as he spoke, "Oh and lunch's ready."

"Thank you, dear." Roger pulled his hair out from his collar. "You sure you're alright, Deacy?"

"I'd quite like to know as well," Freddie butted into the conversation. 

"Really, I'm fine. I'm a nurse, I think I'd know the signs of a flu if I had one."

"I'll take your word, for now," Freddie told him. "But I'm keeping an eye on you, and I know Roger is too.

"I know love, just sit and eat will you," John gave his hand a squeeze, guiding them to the table.

"Alright, alright, but you can't stop us from fretting," Freddie insisted. 

"Yes, but tone it down now." Roger sat down in his place. "Getting some food in him will help Deacy too."

"Mhm," Elton agreed, "So Tim tells me you've had a fun day."

"So far, yes." Roger held up the mostly intact chocolate bar, tucking it back away after. "We had a nice time in town, seeing the sights. The sweets shop caught his attention, and he thought it would be a nice gesture to sort of thank us all for doing our part."

John looked up again, mouthing 'gay' which earned a tittering laugh. 

"Oh you're terrible," Elton shook his head, trying not to laugh, "Here, are you all going to that dance? Old Mavis out the church is running it after the harvest. It's gonna be a proper one too, streamers and bunting and everything."

"I'm sure Roger will go if he's attending the new man in charge," Freddie replied. "And he seems like the sort that WOULD let us go if we wanted to."

"It's not that proper," Tim pointed out, "It'll be everyone having a bit too much ale all flinging each other around the village hall. He might let you go, but I doubt a lord attends that type of dance."

"You can't really tell with this one, can you?" Roger shrugged. "Nothing about him is usual so far.”

"Seems usual enough to me," Freddie mumbled. It wasn't that they all had a dislike for those in power, more of a distrust. "Still, a dance means we can wear our Sunday best."

"Any excuse for you to break out your ghastly formal wear," John replied. "It's too much, Freddie, even Elton called it too much.

"Yes darling, the man who wears a hat that makes him look like queen Vic has an opinion," Freddie teased, "Those colours are very fashionable in India."

"Yes, you said it. In. India."

"Alright, stop picking on him, you adore him in everything," Roger pointed out.

"And out of everything." Mr Reid added. 

"You really pick your moments to join in, don't you?" Elton shook his head.

"Clever that way, keeps his mouth shut and it saves him a lot of grief." Tim looked at Roger. "Some people might learn from that example, you know."

"Tim be nice," Freddie chastised, "He didn't do anything, and it's not the end of the world."

"Just saying." 

"It's alright, Freddie. It'd be for my own good, if I ever took anyone's advice." Roger smiled playfully and took another bite.

"You don't have to kill your spirit just to get on in life," John reassured him, "You never know, maybe as the household gets bigger over the years some nice Dom will come to work and catch your heart."

"Suppose, you never know," he agreed, getting up with his dish. "I'll tidy up the kitchen then, I've had enough time on holiday."

"I don't think looking after lord Lux is much of a holiday," Tim told him, "Although I won't argue. I've got to get the windows cleaned."

"He's an adult, I just pointed him in the right direction, as I'm supposed to. Job description and all." Roger walked into the kitchen. Maybe once these guys got to hang out with him for a bit, they would warm up a little.

"An adult that buys sweets and seems to have no regard for how things are supposed to work between master and servant." Ried said quietly, that being his way of saying he was going.

"I'll take it over that horrible old man that we had before," Elton replied flatly. "He made life miserable, for all of us."

"At least he was too old to get his John Thomas in action," Freddie pointed out, "Someone young could very easily. Especially when he gets bored of whatever wife he gets."

"Well don't look the gift horse in the mouth. Enjoy it while it lasts." Elton stood up, grabbing a few more of the sweeties and walking off.

"If you say so." 

They all dispersed after that, there was work to do.

Roger bustled around, trying to look after as much as he could. He was trying to make sure John was taking it easy as he could. He helped him out during dinner and all.

Brian headed down at dinner, he'd decided to dress more simply, not wanting to offend anyone. Not that it would technically matter, he was master of the house, he could take anything he wanted from any one of them and they wouldn’t be able to argue.

The others were already there, talking to each other as they did. They stopped when he arrived. Roger stood up and pulled out the chair at one end of the table. "Glad you could join us," he told him, before sitting down again.

"I thank you all for having me," Brian smiled somewhat formally. This was a far cry from even the fancy dinners he'd attended as a child. No one was dressed in fine silks or eastern brocades, there weren't high born Dom's swirling unpronounceable wines as their omegas politely laughed when prompted. There was no politics and culture being discussed. 

But they looked happy.

"Just to familiarize you with the names again, John, Freddie, Tim, Elton, Mr. Reid." Roger went in order they were sat at the table.

"It's lovely to see everyone again, really, I dislike the formalities we had yesterday," Brian met each of their eyes in turn, lingering on Roger's, "I hope to run this house under a looser premise."

"Off to a good start, if the sweets are anything to go by, sir." Elton commented.

"It was nothing, really," Brian nodded, "I'd like to hear a little more about the old terms of service you had with my Great Uncle, I believe there should be certain amendments."

"Well for starters, all of us, besides Freddie and Reid, were expected to be completely submissive, in the most traditional sense," John told him. "Kneeling and sitting on the floor and all that business." 

"We were all inspected by him, naked, when we were hired or when he arrived if we were here," Tim chimed in. "He was allowed to do anything he wanted with us, whenever and wherever."

"Well that stops, if any Dom from outside the household orders as such you're to come straight to me," Brian told them, he'd excluded Freddie and Mr Reid who he doubted ever would, "That includes if it happens outside the grounds of the house."

"I don't know how much we can control what happens outside the household," Elton told him. "Us and/or you will probably get into trouble from that, especially since none of us are claimed. That wasn't something our previous master allowed either."

"I don't know how much I can allow legally as far as claiming if you are still needing wages," Brian said, although it brought up another question, "What are your wages anyway? I couldn't find a paper trail."

"We receive room and board," John replied. "Food too. That's sort of the wages."

"Me and Mr. Reid have a small wage," Freddie added. "But it's not enough to live on or really do much with. I'll be saving for a house till I'm too old to work."

"I'll make arrangements to fix this, give the omegas enough money to support themselves should they wish to leave, and the alphas provided a pension." He'd put Tim a sort of in-between deal since he was neither. "I have started to draw up plans for the land that could turn a profit."

"Already?" The guy had hardly been there a day. All of them were impressed by that. "What do you have in mind?" Freddie asked.

"There's a way of attaching a steam engine onto an ordinary plough, it would make the harvest quicker to collect and allow a greater yeild," He explained - not that he was certain it would work, "Could free up one of the peat fields for mining. Mechanise the village."

"Sounds fascinating," Roger said a bit softly. 

"Yeah, almost too good to be true," Tim added. "Can you put this contraption together or are you going to have to make some connections?"

"The assembly shouldn't be a problem," Brian assured him, "I will go back to London to fetch the required parts once I've finished the design."

"So modern," Elton hummed. "I think we've gotten lucky with you."

"I don't know about lucky," they still had to work after all their lives still seemed inherently unfair as far as Brian was concerned, "I think that's everything? Did the previous master operate a rewards and punishments scheme of any kind?"

"Rewards were just not getting a punishment most of the time," Roger said. "A reward might've been getting to go and clean yourself up after he'd had his way with you, or being allowed to take a break and eat lunch during tasks. Punishments you can probably imagine: Not much was beyond him."

"I'll speak to you Omegas separately after dinner to discuss what would be better," Brian promised, "I don't to stress any of you while you're eating."

"Thank you," John said, and most of the others echoed it in some way

It seemed to be a start. They were much happier with him than before. Not that they had complete trust in him or would say they outright liked him, but it was a start.

The rest of the meal was much more casual, just sort of chattering. The others dismissed themselves afterwards; Tim went to tidy things up in the kitchen while Rog, John and Elton stayed put, to hear what Brian had to say about their status and treatment.

"I don't get involved sexually," He announced somewhat awkwardly, "But I won't stop there being any goings on with other Doms as long as it is what you want. Same goes for rewards, they will be allowances or treats above the usual standard."

"What sort of punishments will there be then?" Elton asked. Not that he was hoping to earn any, but he'd rather know what to expect.

"Removal of privileges, not anything that you need such as food or clothing. Just a ban on leaving for recreation or chatting for a day or two," Brian decided, speaking slowly to make sure they would understand, "The worst I'd agree to is adding extra chores. Does this make sense to you all? Is this suited to your requirements?"

All of them nodded. That was definitely much better than anything they would have expected. It would be an adjustment, but a very welcome one

"There's still going to be expectations should there be guests staying, but yesterday you displayed excellently how you can behave, so I don't have any problems. Do you have any other queries?"

"I think you've covered all the bases," Roger told him. "We'll just behave ourselves and let you know if we have any problems."

"Very good, a company of very bright omegas we have here," He complimented, even if it landed a jot condescending, "I'll let you get on with your duties."

There was another nod before they stood up, splitting apart to get done for the evening. Roger was sure things would feel more comfortable soon. It was still basically day one.

"Well I think he's alright, quite nice actually," Elton admitted once they were alone, "Bit odd though."

"That's what I gathered earlier," Roger agreed. He looked at John. "You don't want to share anything about you and Freddie yet, though, do you? Keep it hushed for now?"

"Just for the time being, there's no rush to tell anyone," John admitted, "Even he doesn't know the legality around that sort of thing."

"Right. Freddie's not of enough status to claim you, you'd have to be free of the house and self supporting, or at least Freddie would have to be." Roger nodded. "Maybe that'll happen someday, though, under the changes coming."

"One can dream," John shook his head, "So what's all this nonsense about the fields for?"

"Maximizing production I think," Rog tried. "Like… if the work's getting done that much faster, it'll take less manpower to get it going, giving them time to do other jobs? Not sure about the mining bit."

"You'll probably find out first," Elton gave him a nudge as he went past, "After all, he's going to the big city, he'll have to take a servant with him."

"I didn't even think about that," Roger admitted. "I've never even gone there myself before."

"Well, best keep getting cozy with the master." Elton teased. 

"That's if he's even right in the head." John added.

"No more nonsense for tonight," Roger requested, tucking his hair back a bit. "Let's just get on task so we can go get some sleep.”

"Oh alright then," Elton smirked, "I'll have the logs brought in for the fire."

"Wonderful, I'll get sweeping." Roger looked at Deacy. "Just straighten things up a bit, I still think you should be resting."

"I'm fine now," John promised, "Really, whatever it was just lasted a couple minutes."

Roger shook his head. "You're the nurse, I suppose."

"I am, although it's a good job I've barely had to use those skills," unlike Roger who just inherited the position, John was actively trained to take it when he was eighteen so had a more specific skill set. "I'll see you later on at night."

Roger nodded and went off to get things tidied up. 

***

Less than two weeks passed, John kept having these turns. Hiding in the early morning to make sure they didn’t know he was throwing up in the mornings.

But now he couldn’t bear it.

He heard Freddie’s daydreamed plans everyday, listening to the impossible to the point it hurt.

He had to do this, it was the only way to keep them both safe.

John choked back the sob that had been building in his throat. It was the middle of the night, freezing as he knelt on the other side of the bed so Roger wouldn't see him if he woke up. There was barely enough light to see what he was doing, his hands shaking too much too.

Roger felt something was wrong from the second he started to stir awake. A lack of warmth. John must've been in the bathroom or something. But the sound of the whimpering woke him up, and he sat up, looking around for the source.

"John? Deacy, where are you, what's wrong?

He dropped the wire altogether, the metal making a small clatter on the floor. "I can't do it, Rog..." His voice broke, a few sobs escaping, "I can't."

Roger slipped off the side of the bed, kneeling beside him in a moment. He put his arms around his shoulders securely, pulling him close. "What do you mean, love? What's going on?"

"I can't get rid of them," John curled closer, hugging his own abdomen, "The ba- I can't. I don't want to… I have to, but I can’t..."

"... you're pregnant… oh, darling." Roger held him more securely, kissing the top of his head. HE didn't know how to feel: scared for Deacy's sake, relieved he hadn't just hurt himself, and hurting because seeing him so upset made Roger's heart break. "It's alright… I know it's hard, but try and calm down a little."

"This is all wrong, Rog," John emphasised, "Fred can't even look after himself let alone support a family, and I can't work with a child, and Brian is going to banish me. Banish both of us."

"No, no, that's not going to happen." Roger shook his head. "Brian isn't going to banish you. He already said you could see someone. You can get a bit of leave. Me and the others can pick up some extra chores to give you some time, and help you watch the baby to rotate chores as they get bigger. Freddie is going to be surprised, scared as you are, but we can make this work, John."

"That's illegal. As soon as we register the child they'd do a household inspection," John snapped, "And God knows what would happen if we didn't register them."

"We can figure this out, John." Roger gently brushed his hair back. "We'll talk to Brian, we'll look at our options. It's not ideal but we're gonna find a way.”

"I'll tell Fred tomorrow, I don't want to leave it too late," John nodded, still not one hundred percent behind the plan, "But you're off to London soon, aren't you?"

Roger nodded. "Brian's just getting the kinks out of his drawings. I think we'll be gone before the end of the week.

"Okay, just... Just let me tell Freddie first," John tried to think of a way of doing everything in time, "I really don't know what I'm doing."

Roger nodded. "Of course. It's your news, I wouldn't dare."

"We were so ruddy careful and it still happened," John said miserably, still eyeing the wire on the floor, "It's not right."

Roger shook his head. "Can't be careful enough I suppose. It must be meant to be or something.”

"Doesn't feel particularly destined," John told him, "Look, maybe I should just go into the bigger town and have it dealt with there... There's places people go..."

"That's not what you want, is it?" Roger looked into his eyes, cupping his face gently.

"Roger, what I want is to just live happily with Fred, to be able to be a proper claimed sub to him and raise a family together." He looked down, "Of course I want this child, but what's the point if they'll just grow up to serve? If all they’ll know is the streets and poverty, or if we end up in the workhouse?"

"We'll see what we can do. Don't do anything rash. Let's talk it out with Fred and with Brian first."

"Alright," John nodded, getting slowly back on his feet with Roger's help, "At least it wasn't the old master's child."

"Yes, thank goodness." Roger nodded and eased him back into laying down. "Get some rest. You can talk to Freddie tomorrow, and then Brian after, because this can't wait."

"No, I don't want to be alone," he held onto Roger's wrist until the older man resigned and lay down, "I don't know how far along it is."

"You must be in your first trimester still, probably." Roger laid down beside him. "Think about your activities with Freddie, and how long it's been since the last heat. You're here most nights."

"It's not really a night time thing," John admitted awkwardly, "Probably around the time the old master died, those few days we didn't have any chores so we could mourn."

Roger nodded. "Right. So… about eight or nine weeks, you can get the calendar date later. Still, the sooner the better."

"I guess, yeah," John hugged into him, "sooner the better." He echoed.

Roger held him close, rubbing his back. "I'll take care of you no matter what. If you have an abortion or have a baby, I'll make sure you're okay.'

"Thank you, Roger, really," John was sincere, "I'm sorry to put us all in this situation."

"It's not your fault, darling." Roger shook his head. "It's alright. Things are gonna work out."

"I hope you're right." John nodded, "I really hope you're right."


	3. I Would Say Such Wonderful Things To You

The road to London was dreary, even by train it was bleak. For Brian it was beyond ordinary to travel like this, first class carriage, the compartment to himself and meals brought to them along with the morning paper. But for Roger not so much. 

He'd never really seen a train close up, there wasn't one in the village or even the closest town. Going on one was different altogether - much faster than a horse, scarily so. Brian had his plans and everything with his luggage, so far Roger hadn't questioned the extra boxes of clothes. 

"Roger, please, just spit it out," Brian broke the silence as they ate their lunch (a posh one), "I know your mind's elsewhere, the movement isn't scaring you too much is it?"

"No, no, it's not that." Roger shook his head. He put the fork down, sighing softly. "As fascinating as this whole contraption is, I've been thinking about… it's really not my place to say, but since it's under your roof, and since I care about him, I'll tell you. Freddie and John have had a relationship for quite a while now. And John discovered a short time ago that he's pregnant. Poor thing doesn't know what to do. He almost performed a home abortion with a wire hanger.

"Christ," Brian was taken aback, flinching at the thought of it all. "That's awful. He's alright though?"

"Yes. He couldn't bring himself to it, thankfully." Roger shook his head. "The whole thing is such a tough situation. He wants a family with Freddie more than anything in the world but the situation right now is a tough one. He's willing to go and get an abortion professionally done, but I know the idea is breaking his heart. He just can't figure out what to do, and we wanted to tell you together, but he got too scared."

"It's alright, I'm not angry with him, if he still wants that option when we get back I'll cover it," he knew it wouldn't look great if it was discovered he helped conceal such a thing, but he'd take that chance, "I don't know what can be done if he doesn't. The child wouldn't pass for a bastard."

"It really is a tough one." Roger shook his head. "If only Freddie were more like you. He's such a sweet dom, and he takes such good care of John when he can, but he's just… poor."

"I promise to look into what can be done, if there's any way to keep them within the household or to set them up for something," Brian gave him a look, he really would try.

"Anything we can manage is more than appreciated." Roger was very sincere too. "I feel awful for him, but if there's a way we can save him, then I know Freddie would feel indebted to you as well.

"There just might be, but leave it with me and try not to worry yourself, it's not good for you."

"I will. Thank you." Roger nodded and went back to eating his meal.

"I've eh, I've got a favour I'd like to ask in return," Brian looked at him shyly.

"Hm?" Roger looked up. Was this the moment things switched around and got more… traditional? "What can I do for you?"

"There's um, certain expectations I have to fulfill, especially around people of my own class," Brian explained, "Admittedly I haven't been particularly good at following them..."

"Is this just about me behaving traditionally around them?" Roger asked. "I really don't mind having to get on my knees and calling you Sir or Master. For display, of course."

"Sort of, I- alright so I don't want my family to start looking for a match, which they will if I turn up as a bachelor," Brian admitted, fairly embarrassed, "I know it's immature, but I really don't want to get married for power or money. So I need to not be, you know, single."

"I see." Roger nodded. "So… you need me to help you find an actress or something?"

"Not quite, look - I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you to go along with this, pretend to be courting me," Brian rushed the words out, "I've brought the clothes and everything."

"That's not what I expected you to say," he admitted. "But, that's… doable, yeah."

"Thank you, you have no idea the marriage you've just saved me from," Brian relaxed a little in his seat, "Really, you don't."

"I can't imagine." Roger smiled a little. "I'm not sure if there's much worse than being stuck in a marriage without love.”

"Loveless would be the least of my problems. Countess Eugenia, nearing forty and on the search for her fifth husband. An omega with a vicious family, completely childless. Somehow manages to sue the Dom for not getting her pregnant, leaving him in debtors' jail."

Roger choked a little. "...I don't understand any part of this. Not at all."

"It doesn't matter, none of that's going to affect you on this visit," Brian promised, realising he'd probably revealed too much, "I'll shield you from it all."

"Much appreciated." Roger finished his food. "So, uh… how am I going to pull off the look? My nicest dress would never be seen as finery."

"I've got one, at least for the first day until we can get you some extras. It should work fine just with the corset and petticoats you have," Brian told him, "I can help you with your hair if you need. Don't ask about the dress, I did drama at school."

"I won't judge you," he assured him. "Uh… so where shall we do this? At the station?"

"It's a connecting train, there's a fair amount of time at the station." Brian informed him, "You know how to act like gentry?"

"I… guess so?" Roger shrugged. "How much different can it be? I've observed a lot of them.”

"You don't have to look down to Alpha servants or anyone ordinary," Brian reminded him, "You curtsy instead of kneel to your peerage, which is most of the people we'll meet, but if my parents show up it would be kneeling. Don't worry, I'll keep you right."

"Sounds like a plan." 

Roger never felt as regal as he did slipping into the gown Brian had provided. He looked himself over, running his fingers over the fabric and just admiring it. He felt like he might be royalty for a moment, opening the door when Brian knocked and slipping him in (he'd let Roger change on his own for modesty). "Does it look alright?"

"You look beautiful," Brian was taken aback, Roger was stunning, for once he could really see the appeal of having an omega, "Here, it's just some jewellery. Let me help you with the clasp."

Roger nodded and turned back to the mirror. He held his hair up with one hand, letting Brian put the necklace on him. "Did you say you wanted to do something with all this blonde?"

"If I might," he wasn't exactly an expert at being a coiffeur, but his own hair was unruly enough for him to know a little. He pulled it into a gentle bun, securing it with more jewel studded clips and a silk ribbon. "You look amazing, Roger."

"Thanks. It feels pretty nice," he told him. His cheeks were slightly pink from the compliment, but it looked perfect on him anyways.

"There'll be something fancier tomorrow," Brian assured him, putting his arm out, "Ready to leave, dearest?"

"Yes, sir." Roger linked arms with him gently, walking out beside him. The others were never going to stop teasing once they found out about this.

They made it to the centre of London quickly enough, the idea of this new freedom was strange. "This is the largest of the family houses," Brian let them in, "There should only be staff in, tomorrow we can get the machine parts and some things for yourself, and Saturday is the ball."

"The ball?" Roger looked up at him. "I… with, like, dancing and stuff? I've never been to one."

"Really?" Brian raised an eyebrow, "They're quite tedious, you spend an hour meeting old men who tell you how they fought for the empire, then it's an overly posh dinner - and that's me saying that, too many types of forks - then you dance for a good few hours. Nothing particularly special."

"I don't… I've never danced either, I don't even really know how," he admitted. "I've only ever watched, and I've never had to participate.”

"Oh..." Brian nodded, "I'll teach you tonight, we'll have shared chambers anyway so it shouldn't be a problem."

Roger nodded and followed him through the place. It was so much grander than even the house he'd been in. "Is this where you grew up?"

"Yeah, my parents were away on business a lot, so it was really just tutors until I was old enough for boarding school." Brian told him, "I still came here every summer."

"Guess that explains why you're not getting lost." Roger followed him upstairs. "Why do people need such big houses? Surely you can't have enough things to fill up the place."

"It's all a competition to survive, to show how powerful you are so no one tries to take from you," Brian explained, not that he saw much sense in it, "If you haven't got a palace of gold behind you no one is going to listen. No one smiles, they're too rich to."

"Unbelievable." Roger shook his head. "Could do so many better things with money."

"I know, but philanthropy isn't exactly popular," he replied, "From here we influence politics, culture, exploration, technology. All to give ourselves a better world and avoid disgrace. It can't be so different to how you live."

"It's very very different," he assured him. "We're surviving, not living, not most of the time. It's really a wonder all of us keep the hope up with the happy times so far and few between.”

"I'm terribly sorry about that, but it's how the world works," Brian quipped sharply, "It's not really for omegas to analyse in too much depth."

"Understood, sir." So that's how it'd be now that Brian was in his own domain. Oh well. Roger knew how to behave.

Brian sighed through his nose, so Roger was going to be awkward about it. Back to square one by the sounds of it.

Roger followed him into the bed chamber. "So how will we do the sleeping arrangement? Did you want to share the bed?"

"There's more than one bed in the chambers, married couples rarely share," He said, opening a door Roger hadn't even seen, "There's a bathtub with its own pipe system behind the partition, feel free to make use of it and relax."

Roger nodded and stepped towards it. "Is there a certain time to be up and ready?'

"The maids will come to collect you at ten, they'll help you get dressed," Brian promised, standing in the doorway. The room Roger was staying in was meant to be (or rather it would one day be) his master bedroom, while he chose to sleep in his childhood room. He'd never liked the big room. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Brian." Roger walked into the room, sitting down on the bed. He looked at himself in a mirror, carefully undoing his hair and setting the bits and pieces on the bedside table. If the others saw him now, they'd absolutely despise him, wouldn't they? At least they weren't here. He undressed himself shortly after and laid down, falling asleep quite quickly in the softest bed he'd ever known.

***

"Good morning, sir," Roger was woken by a middle-aged woman in plain black clothing and an apron, a servant by the looks of it. Even the servants here seemed to be wealthier than him. "MiLord requested I help you get ready for breakfast."

"Oh yes, of course." Roger sat up, pushing his hair back a bit. "I don't think I've slept so well in ages. I'm sure this unruly mop on my head shows it.

"It's quite alright, sir," she smiled kindly, making Roger think he'd seen that smile before, "I don't think the young Lord has ever brought anyone back. There was a lot of worry, but it seems he's found a beautiful one."

"Thanks. I think I was just as surprised." Roger got up from the bed, setting the covers back neatly as he could.

"So where are you from, if you don't mind my asking, sir?" She tutted his hands away, pulling the night shift off him before he could argue, "What's your family name?"

Oh fantastic. Roger didn't know what to say at first. "It's Taylor, from Wandsworth," he decided.

"I'm not familiar with them, but I'm sure they're of worthy standing,” She smiled, picking up the silk shift that had been left for Roger to put on, "You should make the family very happy indeed."

"Wonderful." Roger let himself be dressed up, feeling a lot like a doll at the moment. At least he was fair enough to look the part: pale, blonde, thin.

There were a lot more layers than he thought, everything has to be perfect, not a hair out of place. "So how did you both meet, sir? I shouldn't think there's much to do in the country besides hunt, and with how M'Lord is I don't suppose it was that."

"We happened upon each other as he was passing along the road," he told him. "He was quite charming about it all. He invited me to a dinner the next evening at his estate and I was just taken with him."

"That's very unusual, must've been the country air, we were hoping it would do him some good," she nodded, finally finishing up, "He used to just sulk and claim he would never take part of any of this."

"I would never have guessed." Roger looked himself in the mirror again. Honestly, how strange.

"He was a peculiar child, used to throw all sorts of fits when they tried to teach him to hunt, and kept taking the animals home instead.” She smiled a little, helping Roger to the door, "I'm glad he's found someone like yourself. It's a submissives job to hold them to their honour."

"The honor is mine really." Roger walked out into the hall. He had to mind his gown on the stairs, holding it up just a hit so he didn't slip.

The lady disappeared off after that, Brian met him at the dining room. "Morning, how did you sleep?"

"Like I haven't slept in years." Roger took a seat beside him at the table, after checking silently that it was proper.

"Good to hear, love," Brian smiled a little, "I wanted to apologise for my words last night, they weren't kind."

"It's alright, really," he assured him. "It is just the way of things. Not really for me to be questioning something I don't understand.

"It's not that, it's difficult to explain," Brian shook his head, "It's a whole different sphere. There's a lot of plates spinning and everything needs to be exact."

"I could tell that part just by getting dressed this morning." He smoothed his hands over his skirt.

"They weren't too horrible to you, were they?" Brian asked, "I know the chambermaids can be awfully snide when they want to."

"No, she was very kind, just wanted to know the, uh.. .family name and town I came from."

"It's expected, can't claim anyone higher up socially than me, but I need the connections," Brian told him as if it was ordinary business, "Probably my parents asked them to snoop."

"Well I certainly hope they don't start digging," he said softly. What he said certainly didn't exist.

"Oh they will, I just need them off my back for now," Brian told him, picking at his breakfast (it was a full English so there wasn't much appeal), "Hopefully this sends a message, but after we're home."

"Oh. I see." Roger nodded and started nibbling a few things. He'd take what he could get.

"Is there anywhere you would like to visit? You said you'd never been to London, let me take you to the sights, as an apology, or as a thank you."

"Sounds lovely," Roger told him between bites. "I'm sure anywhere you think is nice will be lovely to see.

"We'll go through Hyde park, it's lovely this time of year, all sorts of little squirrels and birds living in it," Brian smiled, "How are you with heights?"

"I don't have a lot of experience, but I suppose I'm pretty daring," he told him. "That stone wall we saw in the village, I've walked along it before.'

"Very impressive, I'll show you something later you might like," Brian promised, "But business first, sadly."

"Fine with me. What's business exactly?"

"Might just be our solution to John and Fred's problem," Brian told him, his head having jumped a few steps ahead in the conversation, "Running the house as a business."

"Wait, what?" Roger was distracted from his food. "What do you mean, how does that work?

"There's never been enough people to harvest all the fields, right? With the machine there's going to be extra production," Brian explained, "Meaning free grain to the town's people and trade with neighbouring towns and cities."

"Brilliant." Roger nodded. "But how does us being a business help John and Freddie?"

"There's coal under the field on the north bank of the house, I'd need someone to run their own connected business there," Brian told him, "I let Freddie go with a loan that'll allow him to start up and claim, he's still under contract protection but not part of the household."

"Oh, Brian." Roger was beaming. "That's brilliant, dear. You're so smart."

"If you say so, just for the love of God don't mention it to anyone here," Brian warned, "They take the opinion that anyone helping the poor has weak mental capacity."

Roger nodded and finished what was on his plate. "Sounds perfect. I'll speak when I'm spoken to."

"I'm sorry about that," Brian was sincere, "It must be hard coming into all this so suddenly."

"It's definitely a big adjustment," he agreed. "But it's not too bad. It could be the other end and they're kicking me around on the floor. I've been there too."

"Not anymore, I won't let that happen to you," Brian put his hand in Roger's wrist, "No one deserves that."

"Careful saying that around other people too," Roger told him quietly. "Because for someone like me, that's where they deem we belong."

"I know how the higher echelons think of anyone weaker," Brian admitted, "But I will protect you, everyone at the house. Or I'll try to."

"It means the world to me." Roger straightened up a bit. That was almost too much gazing into Brian's eyes to be polite. "Uh… so I don't take my own plate to the kitchen, I'm guessing."

"No, it's fine, just leave it here," Brian told him, "We should get going, might well be a long day."

"I'll follow your lead." Roger stood up from the table with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, hope everyone enjoyed reading, if you have any requests or asks head over to my tumblr (honey-rae-pluto), as always, I'd love to see some feedback - I love the comments so far!


	4. There Would Be Such Wonderful Things To DO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger attend the ball at the May's manor, finding the stark reality difference between his life and Brian's he certainly donesn't expect what happens next.

Roger looked over the room, suddenly not feeling nearly as extravagant. He was dressed as beautifully as ever, adorned with the appropriate gems and hair styling, but he had never felt more out of place anywhere. Everyone else seemed natural and at ease, chatting about things with their champagne or wine, eating food carried around by well-dressed subs and alphas, while a bit of quiet chamber music was played by a quartet for the atmosphere.

No matter how much he was holding himself or dressing the part, he still felt that he belonged in the kitchen, if not travelling around with a tray himself. "What am I supposed to do, exactly?" he asked Brian softly, staying close to his side as they walked in.

"Just greet people," Brian assured him, giving his hand a squeeze, "Really, just smile. No one is going to question you if you attack it with confidence."

"Confidence, alright." Roger straightened up a bit. He still wasn't going to wander off on his own.

"Oh there you are!" A woman's voice called out, an older sub meeting them. It was the lady that had helped Roger on the first day to get ready.  
"Oh fuck..." Brian muttered under his breath, looking up with a false smile, "Roger, I'd like you to meet the Duchess, Lady May. My mother."

"It's such an honor." Roger smiled softly. "I've only heard good things about you, milady. You have a wonderful son."

"Now, now dear, we both know he won't have mentioned me at all," she said smartly, "I hope one day your own children are a touch more dutiful and bother to write."

Roger just nodded politely to that. Alright then. He might've known.

"Still, you've put him on the right track," She smiled at Roger, squeezing his arm a little too tight, "We worried after all the schools he went to, and all those doctors-"

"Mama, please, I'm sure father needs help with some Austrian diplomats," Brian interrupted, "And my dear Roger doesn't need to be scared off."

Roger just stayed in place, thinking about what he was hearing. He didn't let his face betray it, still smiling politely and holding Brian's hand gently.

“Just like your father,” she shook her head, clearly not planning on staying very long either, “I’ll speak to you later.”

"I wouldn't pay her much attention," Brian said once they were away, "She takes being a suffragette particularly seriously. No filter.”

"She's the one that woke me up and dressed me the first morning," Roger informed him quietly. "But no need to mention that to her. I guess she didn't need any second hand information."

"Probably doesn't believe it's real then," Brian muttered "I'm sorry about that."

"No harm done I suppose." Roger shrugged, taking a piece off the hors d'oeuvres tray he was offered politely. "She's more of a thorn in your side than mine."

"She's just anxious about what's going to happen - having a weak only child isn’t great," Brian explained, "Here, how about we ditch dinner and show face for the dancing? I've an idea."

"I'm intrigued, go on." Roger put the cracker in his mouth to chew while he contemplated.

He grabbed his hand, leading him out into the garden, straight off the path and into the gardener's sheds. "With any luck it's not been knocked down," he gave Roger a bright smile, pulling him up the stairs to a plain looking door.

"A secret hideout?" Roger smiled. "You sneaky little creature."

"The garden staff used to take pity, I think," Brian gave the door a mild shove to get it open, crouching down to get into the other side. "Careful now, it's a little high and a bit slippy, part of a treehouse, you can barely see it from the outside."

"How quaint." Roger followed him in, keeping his gown above his ankles with one hand so he didn't trip over himself.

Brian led him through, it wasn't exactly brilliant, and the two of them in there made it sort of cramped, and it was difficult to climb up now he was an adult, but it hadn’t really changed - he suspected they’d given it a clean before he arrived. "Look up, love, we're higher than the smog, you can see all the stars."

"Yes… I've missed the stars." Roger gazed up between the branches. "It's lovely. The perfect spot for an aspiring astronomer."

"Here, if you look down a little you can see the city, all the lights in London," he pointed at them, glancing at Roger. 

That was probably a mistake, encased in the starlight and golden haze of the city Roger looked like an angel, a mystical deity. He couldn't look away from him, noticing the way his eyes widened with their stormy blue orbs, lips slightly parted and soft, nose just a touch to one side... He didn't even know he was speaking aloud, "beauty is the smallest imperfection in a perfect face..."

"Mm?" Roger looked over at him. "What's that from? I don't think I've heard it before."

"Just a saying, I think, doesn't matter," Brian shook his head, cheeks tinted a little. "Have you ever read much Keats?"

Roger shook his head. "Not something I ever got my hands on. I can read, but I never had much to read, just a few books my mother got for me when I was younger."

"It's not important, it's just... He talks a lot about living for single moments of joy, that they're worth every hour of pain after, "Beauty is truth - truth Beauty" and all that... I thought about it a lot as a child, never made much sense," he says, the words until now left unsaid. "But what if one moment was worth more than all the ones after, is it worth taking?"

"That's hard." Roger thought about it for a moment. "I say… yes. Maybe you'll never be that happy again, but you'd never forget it. Each time you thought about it you would feel something. And there will always be moments better than every other, you just might not realize it. You may as well make it something really memorable."

Brian nodded, suddenly aware of how close they were. He could really just lean in and press their lips together. But then what? He'd know what a seconds worth of love would be? Something he'd never experience again? That if Roger didn't turn around and hate him for it. No, one moment would not be worth the heartache.

Roger didn't dare. He admired many things about Brian. He had the looks and the personality, the trivia, the knowledge, and while he was incredibly kind, Roger was sure if he had to go into Alpha mode he'd be incredibly intimidating. He didn't say a word, just looked at him for another few moments in quiet.

They should start getting back, people would be wondering. But he didn't want to leave. Maybe he'd spent too many years in the tiny tree house pretending it was his own little house, all away from the rest of the world. And maybe now his brain had ran ahead again, imagining what it would be like to have a normal house, watching as Roger chased their child around... That was too much. 

He took a breath, eyes falling onto Roger’s soul, the moment worth taking, even knowing no other would be as sweet - to live knowing what once was had, was it right? To allow himself this safe in the knowledge it would outshine every moment after?

He didn't know the answer, but he leaned over and closed the distance.

Roger had been kissed before, but not this way. The kisses he'd received were all those with another purpose. They were just to show him who was in charge, or to enjoy him before really enjoying him. This was so much softer and more genuine, Roger couldn't help himself kissing back. He rested his hand on Brian's, slowly pulling back after what felt like the right amount of time.

"I'm sorry... It's..." Brian sat back a little, not moving, "I said I wouldn't..."

"You didn't hurt me," Roger told him, shaking his head. "It felt good.. .and if that was our moment then it was definitely worth it, for me."

"I'd never forget that," he commented, looking down at their hands, "We better get back, the dancing is about to start and I'd rather no one found this place.'

"Right, let's go show them how… graceful I am," he agreed, carefully slipping out the way they came.

"We can stick by the edges and not do the set dances," Brian assured him, "We can retire earlier if you're more comfortable with that."

"Whatever you like. Don't want to affect our public personas." Roger straightened himself up when he got to the garden, making sure the skirts were all in the right spots.

"Well, if you would kindly accept this dance, my love." Brian extended his hand, "It is a waltz step."

"Right, so we're counting threes." Roger took his hand and let him guide him into place.

Brian took the lead, keeping Roger close to his own body, shielding him from the other Doms. "You're doing brilliantly, dear."

"You're a good teacher," he told him. "And I like music. Between you and the music, I can follow along."

"Well I do try," Brian smiled, inhaling Rogers's relaxing scent, "I hope this experience hasn't scared you from me, being part of all this is a problematic pit."

"You don't seem like you want to be much a part of this at all," he replied. "And even so, you're a lovely enoughgentleman to get away with it."

"You should hate me, I'm part of a society of people that drive your family into poverty and generations of servitude."

"But that's not your fault, is it?" Roger looked at him. "You were born and raised in it. You didn't know better then, you had no control. Now you're doing something about it."

"We're all helpless, some just have golden cells," Brian told him, shaking his head, "I just don't understand you."

"Because I have hope?" Roger shrugged. "Most of us do for some silly reason."

"I guess it keeps us going," Brian smiled, "I'm glad you do. You deserve to be happy, it's not been easy for you."

"Thanks." Roger nodded and smiled back softly. "You've been making it a lot easier."

"It's the civilised thing to do," Brian said, "Fancy ditching now? Otherwise who knows who's going to start talking to us."

"Yes, by all means, take me home." Roger separated from him a bit as the music ended.

"We’ll still have to stay the night, the roads are too dangerous this late," Brian told him, pulling him slyly out, "Don't worry, you can take the room again, I won't intrude."

"I was never worried about you intruding." Roger held his hand, walking back upstairs. "You're too much of a gentleman."

"Do you need help getting out of all that material?" Brian asked, "They've wrapped you in thousands of layers."

"Yes, at least the toppermost ones," he admitted. "Thank God we're inside and it's not a summer evening. Between that and the corset I would have fainted.'

"I'm sorry, really, we'll be home tomorrow," Brian promised, "Back to the tranquility of it all."

"I didn't mind trying it out." Roger shook his head. "I wear the corset every day. As a formality, though, it's not as if there's really anything to hold in."

"Just you wait until the harvest comes in next year if everything works," Brian told him surely, "Really, there could be a pastoral farm too, you could leave the household to do that if you wanted."

"I'd have to think about that a lot. I really don't mind being part of the household, not now." Roger let Brian take some of the jewelry off before starting to slip out of the gown with his help.

"I don't understand you at all, Roger," Brian looked at him, taking the pins out so his hair was more natural, "You look better without all that nonsense on."

"Thank you." Roger took the slip off, down to the corset and white undergarments. "And I don't mind working. Not when it's for someone I care about, and that cares about me. You treat me like a person."

"You are a person. The best person." Brian assured him, "World's against you, but you'll always be a person. Illegitimi non carborundum."

"Why did you start speaking in tongues all the sudden?" Roger looked back at him, pretending to be serious. "Have I just been cursed?"

"Pig Latin, “Don't let the bastards get you down”, believe me, if I could curse people they'd know about it by now," Brian joked, "It's just an expression everyone puts in the school jotter."

"Ah, I see." Roger smiled and nodded. "I like that. I might use it to confuse Elton.'

"Cheeky old mare you are," Brian poked his arm, "Gonna have to keep an eye on you, huh?"

"Maaaaybe." Roger twirled a bit of hair with his middle and index finger.

"And you said you always do what you're told and behave terribly well," Brian teased, "I reckon you're just a minx. Very strong minded. It's impressive."

"No idea where I get the balls, quite frankly," he admitted.

"Well never stop getting them," Brian told him, "Your braver than I am tenfold."

"It's only because I've had to be, it's like plants. The cultivation and the terrain are what determine what you get.”

"A strong intelligent omega that knows his own mind but is still loving and caring, never knew such a thing existed, never mind could be cultivated in such a place."

"The more you know, I guess." Roger rubbed his arm softly. "You can always become a better person."

"I will give it my best shot," Brian smiled a little, "For you."

"Just for me?" Roger tilted his head a little.

"I've never had a reason to want to be good for anyone until now."

Roger smiled softly. "I'm really glad I could help give you a bit of another perspective."

"I guess I was always looking for it anyway," Brian nodded, "Now it's in focus."

"My pleasure." Roger smiled softly, "You see why I don't want to leave now?"

"I don't know where this is going, but they'd never allow it," Brian said quietly, "You deserve happiness, I can't give you that."

"Don't worry about it." He sat down on the bed. "I'd still want to be your friend anyways."

"I should like to be yours too," he replied, somehow it was funny, in the middle of everything they were like children in a playground. "Now let's get you some sleep."

"I can undress from here," he told him. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Bri."

"I'll wake you up myself, I'm just next door," Brian assured him, "But I doubt she'd try that now that you know her."

Roger chuckled softly. "Maybe it'll be your dad this time.'

"I shouldn't think so, he lets me get away with a lot more," Brian smiled, "Putting me in the country was his idea."

"That's nice at least. Does he encourage your studies?"

"Yes, surprisingly. Once it became obvious I wouldn't be so good at this power play, and I refused to kill so the army wouldn't do, becoming a scholar was a way to keep me out of the way."

"Interesting." Roger picked up a comb from beside the bed, starting to comb out his wavy hair a bit.

"Well enough on that rubbish, sleep well, love," Brian said, entering the side room, "Good night."

"Sleep well, Bri." Roger watched him leave, then let his corset slip off, sighing softly. Well… the feelings were going to be annoying, at least for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya
> 
> hope everyone is enjoying, I'd love to hear some feedback on it all!


	5. No-One I'll Ever Care For Dear... But You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John enjoy some Sub time and think about their various problems.

"You actually are glowing, you know." Roger held John between his legs. He had John's back against his chest as he gently rubbed his shoulders, just giving him a good cuddle. They hadn't had a good bit of sub time for a while, but Freddie had suggested it, and the rest of the house staff had helped them finish up early to go and relax once dinner was over. There was such a weight off them now that John and Freddie were going to be free, be a family.

"Really? You're sure it's not a sickly aura?" John smiled, turning his head slightly to look at him, "I guess I feel less like I've fucked up completely."

"You look gorgeous, more beautiful all the time," he assured him, kissing his forehead. "The little one will be just as lovely, I know it."

"I just hope it's not going to be too difficult for them," John admitted, "But they'll have more than either of their parents did."

"Yes, we'll all see to it," Roger agreed with a gentle nod. "They'll be just fine. We won't let them want for anything if we can help it."

"Oh definitely, they've got the most excited papa ever too," John told him, "Really, I had to explain why this was a bad thing since he wasn't getting it."

"Oh, Freddie." Roger shook his head, gently rubbing John's side. "You're so lucky with him. The man of my dreams is going to stay there it seems.”

"Oh come on, don't say that," John patted his hand, "Didn't find yourself a prince charming in London?"

"Yes, and I brought him back with me, but what good has it done?" He might as well tell John, John wouldn't spread it around.

"What are you on about?" John turned more fully, "Your prince is Brian? What?"

"Okay… so you remember how I said he dressed me like a proper posh sub? He did that because he was having me pretend we were together, to keep his parents from setting him up with a different omega. And, well… we ended up having this genuine kiss in his childhood treehouse after he gave me a few very poetic romantic lines about imperfection and what the worth of one moment is. We haven't spoken about it since because it's just… not allowed."

"That's... Roger Jesus Christ," John looked at him, "That, I really don't know what to make of that."

"The more you talk to him, the more you get to know him, see the other sides of him and all..." Roger chewed his lip a little. "He really is a lovely guy. We just can't, though."

"Of course you can't, I don't think he's malicious enough to be doing this on purpose," John told him, "But really, you are on two different planes. He's nice, but he's still one of them."

Roger shook his head. "You don't understand how much he dislikes them, and everything else. The only thing that makes him one of them is the money he was born with and the way he was raised. He didn't understand what it was like for us, and he's honestly pretty appalled by it."

"How can you dislike what you're given when it's that good?" John looked at him, "And dragging you into some dingy tree is a bit... He didn't go any further did he?"

"No, and he apologized right away," Roger told him. "We were just stargazing and chatting. The kiss just happened afterwards, and then he said sorry, I said it was alright, and we went back to the ball.”

"What ball? You never mentioned serving at a ball before," John seemed to be searching his eyes for something, "What more aren't you telling?"

"I wasn't serving at the ball, John, I was his invitation. His fake courtship. But we danced and everything, and it felt real." Roger looked sort of sad. "I felt like his princess. I wanted to be. I don't want to be one of them, I'll work the rest of my days as a maid, but I really do like him."

"Rog," John shuffled to lie next to him, pulling him closer, "I know it's hard, but it's the way life is. He should have known better than to pull you into being a pretend anything. We all have our purpose in life, him too."

Roger nodded a bit, staying close as he could. "It wasn't his fault, it was me too, I was reciprocating it all willingly. I decided the moment was going to be worth it because it would always give you something to feel… but we… I just feel so stupid for even thinking something was going to happen, even for just a moment."

"You'll find someone, I know you will, and Brian's a kind master, he'll probably help you get on in life," John assured him, "Maybe a moment is all it was going to be, you've still got the rest of your life.”

Roger nodded a little and stayed close. That really didn't help him feel any better.

"Alright then, since you danced amongst the devils, what's the gossip," John could feel Rogers' mood, moving on, "Are his family like him or his great uncle?"

"His dad encouraged him to break free of it a bit. His mum is… too much." Roger shook his head. "Snuck into my room to spy on me dressed as a servant."

"So not terribly normal then," John commented, "I wasn't expecting that though."

"None of it's very normal, but it's so incredibly snobby. The house had to be three times the size of this one, mostly empty.

"Well I have to say that much for him, he was given everything in the world as a child and he's reasonably normal."

Roger nodded. "A miracle, really. I hardly get it. But he makes a point to tell me he doesn't understand me either."

"Then he whisks you away to a treehouse I can only assume is the size of a real house and kisses you," John added, "You really had to fall for him, didn't you."

"I did. And the treehouse was almost too small for us to get into, we had to duck in through a secret door in the garden shed. Someone liked to hide from all the family and friends and just stargaze. Makes sense.'

"I don't know if I would have done that," John nodded, "I don't know what to tell you, at best you'd be a mistress."

"It happened. Can't really go back now." Roger shrugged. "It's over now, I have other things to try and focus on."

"You could still do it, I'm not encouraging it, but you could still do it," John said quietly, "He doesn't sound like he'd be happy in a power marriage."

"No, not at all." he agreed. "But I don't know if he'd be up for the relationship with me either really.He seemed like he didn' want to push it."

"Look, how about you go to the harvest swing by yourself, see how it goes," John suggested, "I'm sure one of the local alpha's will have an interest in pretty old you."

Roger nodded. "That could be fun. Just to see how it goes. Even if I stay single, it'll be nice to get out for a while."

"It will, and Freddie will probably wear that God awful jacket again so we'll definitely have a laugh," John smiled, "Or did dressing like a posh bird ruin it for you?"

"No, no, he'll still look ridiculous," Roger assured him. "I'd much rather party like a poor person, though I do know one waltz step now.'

"You really had a Cinderella adventure, didn't you?" John teased, "Dressing up for the ball with a young Prince."

"Yeah, got that right." Roger smiled softly. "It's definitely not something I'll ever forget."

"So, come on then, what was the city like? Reid said once it was horrible, but you know what he's like. Spill, I want gossip."

"We went to this lovely place called Hyde Park," he told him. "It's huge. You walk around and admire the place, and feed the birds and all that stuff."

"Very insightful," John said, "You could have gone hunting instead, or really mingled with everyone - seen how the richest live, not just the stuff that’s there for everyone.”

"If you couldn't tell by the vegetarianism, Brian is NOT a hunter of animals or people. He refused the army for it, that's why he went to school."

"Rog, come on. He's lovely and everything, but I really wouldn't feel sorry for him," John was starting to find Roger a touch jarring when it can to their master, "He basically used you to avoid a marriage, one he'll end up in anyway."

"Maybe if you talked to him for a bit you'd see where I was coming from," Roger told him. "The only reason I feel any sympathy for him in those areas is because I saw how it affected him."

"Affected him? He's ended up with a heart, it's hardly an illness. Don't get me wrong, he's probably the best master out there, but still."

"What more do you want him to do?" Roger looked down at him. "Just.. .honest question. Does he have to be poor like us to be a good person?"

"It's nothing to do with whether he's a good person, it's just that he studied us to work out what's good. He's never had any problems or pain put in front of him. You have to go through that, we've gone through that."

"I'm sorry, John." Roger shook his head. "I'll stop talking about it, that's not what we're here for. Just trying to relax."

"No, it's alright love, I've been snapping at Fred all day too, I'm sorry," John squeezed his hand, "Have you seen where the cottage is gonna be?"

"Not yet," he told him, pulling him close again. "Maybe you can show me tomorrow. I can't wait to help you with it, set up the nursery, get everything ready to start parenting."

"It's still half built, not even actually," John told him, "But it's going to have running water and everything. Baby can grow up properly into a household of their family and not like we did."

"I can hardly wait." Roger smiled softly. "You know I'll be there, right? Help you through the labor and everything."

"I hope so, I want Freddie there too, but you know it's not really normal for Doms to be there," John admitted, "But I definitely want you there, should really make you not want kids."

Roger chuckled softly. "I'm sure it'll be eye opening, but there's nowhere else I'd be, dear."

"Doesn't feel real yet, like I have to remind myself there's a baby in there." John commented, "I don't know what I was expecting.”

"Really? The bump and stuff doesn't help with that? Have they moved yet?" He gently poked his side.

"The bump just feels like bloating but hard, if you know what I mean," John playfully swatted his hand away, "And no, baby won't kick much for a while. Even the little nudges aren't very noticeable".

"That's no fun then." Roger shook his head. "Well… I'm sure it'll go quicker than you know and you'll miss having the mobility you do now."

"Don't jinx it," John smiled, "I... I meant to thank you for being there that night, for not letting me do what I was going to."

"I couldn't imagine being anywhere else," he told him. "I'd never have left you alone at a time like that. I'm so glad I was there.

John nuzzled closer, "I was so scared I just... I should have told you and Freddie earlier."

"You hardly knew yourself, did you? You were freaking out." Roger put his arms around him, kissing the top of his head again. He rubbed his back softly. "I have no idea what I would've done."

"I suppose we probably shouldn't have taken advantage of the old bastard dying quite so eagerly," John nodded, "I never even considered it would happen."

"Silly thing," Roger hummed. 'Well you've learned your lesson now. Of course, you'll be able to build up a little army of Deaclings now."

John giggled, shaking his head, "Oh don't say that, definitely not in front of Fred either - it'll only give him ideas."

"I'll just wait till you watch this one learn to walk and talk, and you start missing your baby." Roger patted his shoulder softly. "Now sleep, dear."

"You wouldn't be so bad as a mother yourself, Rog," John told him, pulling the blanket up higher, "One day you'll know what I mean."

Roger scrunched up his nose a bit. "Maybe," he replied softly. "Just… get some rest.

"You too, love," John mumbled, "Night."

Roger fell asleep after. He didn't want to think about being a mum or being with an alpha, not now. He was too wrapped up in Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, bit of a slow recappy one, but just some filler really.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, the feedback is so lovely to read.
> 
> As always, requests and asks @ my tumblr
> 
> love,  
> pluto x


	6. No One I'll Fancy, Therefore Love Me Do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very different kind of ball

"I'm bored," Elton dropped himself down on the bench next to Roger with a thud. Freddie and John were largely wrapped up in themselves, dancing away with all the other couples. Tim was under a table after having tested each of the ales and beers available, occasionally groaning.

"Why'd we end up single? Old Reid flat out refuses to dance.”

"Just got unlucky, I suppose." Roger shrugged and shook his head. He really had thought tonight would be nice. He'd never had a bad time at one of these feasts before. Usually he was just drinking and scuffling around and having a ball… bloody balls. Roger wasn't comparing it, because he would still rather be here, but it just… something just didn't feel right.

"Oh just look at them," Elton nodded to John and Freddie, "I love them both to pieces but doesn't it just make you sick? Ugh, people in love. Where's my knight in shining armour?"

"Wrong century, Elton," Roger hummed, shaking his head. "But… well, who knows. Unlikely things seem to be happening lately. Maybe one will come to visit."

"Well I was trying to get Reid up and dancing, but apparently "dancing is for me to watch and others to do"," he impersonated badly, "And Tim was trying to chat up a broom when he was still upright."

Roger smiled a little. "Reid is too stiff, Tim is the opposite. And we're stuck with no good doms, even though we are irresistible."

"I know, right? I tightened the corset up extra for this," Elton told him, "Must just be too ginger. Still, I don't see why they haven't picked you up years ago."

"It's just the status of everything I suppose. And there is nothing wrong with being ginger." He gently nudged him.

"If you say so," Elton nodded, "And statuses can be defied, you never know who you could end up with.”

Roger shook his head. "I'm trying not to build up false hope."

"Why? He could marry you and you could live like royalty for the rest of your life, don't you want that?"

Roger shrugged. "I don't know… I don't really know what I want."

"Oh but look at you, he'd be mad not to," Elton sounded very sure, "I don't see the problem."

"His family would be furious at him," Roger told him. "And not like that's the biggest deal but there are other things too. So many social factors to it all."

"Do you care that much about his family? Does he? From what you said they've been trying to get rid of him,” They'd ended up telling Elton and Freddie, the two that had most wanted to hear all the dirty gossip, "And ignore the social factors. Reid says social classes are a construction."

"If that's so I don't wanna tear the building down then, huh?" Roger stood up. "I'm gonna get a drop of air."

"Don't take too long, I'll see if Reid is even going to consider moving," Elton decided, "Careful out there, it's dark."

"I'm not scared of the dark," he told him, adjusting his dress a bit and stepping outside. It was a bit of a chilly fall evening, but quite beautiful.

"A'right blondie, fancy some fun?" The alpha slurred, leaning right into Roger from nowhere, "Could show you all you're worth."

Roger took a few steps back. "I'd really rather not, dear, I was just getting some space."

"Oh come on now, don't be frigid," he stumbled closer, grabbing Roger's wrist, "Not being funny but it's what you're built for."

Roger shook his head, tugging back a little. "Please, sir, just let me go back to my group."

"Fuck off, you wanted this, s'why you went out in the first place," he had him now pinned to the wall, "Now shut up and be a good boy."

Roger shook his head, trying to push him away, but the guy was a head taller and much burlier. "No, please, c'mon now-"

Suddenly the guy pulled away, or rather he was pushed to the ground himself, needing a few seconds for his drunk body to get upright again. Brian put himself between Roger and the man in that time, "Rog, go back inside."

Roger took a moment to regain his bearings, before nodding and stepping back towards the building. He rushed over to Elton, tugging on his sleeve. "Some guy's wasted out there, he tried to pin me down."

"I told you to be careful, oh God," Elton scanned over him for injuries, "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

Roger shook his head. "Brian just pulled him off me and sent me back inside. I didn't even know he'd come around.”

"It's alright, we can send someone out, you stay here," Elton sat them down, "Do you need a drink or anything?"

"Maybe a bit of water," he told him, pushing a bit of hair back.

"Alright, I'll be right back, just sit there," He scuttled quickly to the tables, pouring out a large glass, "Are you sure he didn't hurt you?"

"He only grabbed my wrist, then pinned me to the wall. Nothing more." He took the glass from him and started to sip it.

"Oh dear," He rubbed his back, "Do you want me to go get John or someone?"

Roger shook his head. "It's alright… no need to freak him out. He's having a nice time.”

Elton just held him for a couple of minutes, neither of them noticing Brian coming into the hall until he was behind them. "You're not harmed?"

Roger shook his head. "No. He was only able to pin me for a moment before you arrived. Thank you… you save me a lot of unpleasantness."

"It was my promise, I told you - no one hurts you," Brian repeated, "I'll wait outside to make sure all of you get back in one piece at the end of the night."

"You're welcome to stay in. Have a gander at how the other half have a ball." He smiled a little and sipped the water

"I don't know, I don't think people would be that comfortable with it," although looking around most people were pretty far gone or too wrapped up to notice if the roof caves in, "The bloke is still outside, he's not likely to get up but he could have mates."

"Bastard," Elton stated, rubbing Roger's shoulder gently. "There's always someone that can't handle it, ruins the fun."

"He's been dealt with, I promise," Brian assured them, "How come you're both sitting by the side and not dancing?"

"No one to dance with," Elton replied. "We're just sad and single, you see. Not like John and Freddie there, they're basically attached."

"Terribly sorry to hear that," Brian offered him a little smile, "Still, I've never seen so many people look happy at a party, does it mean a lot to everyone?"

Roger nodded. "It's not like we have a lot of time to party, do we? We're all working ourselves quite hard, so when we let loose, we really do.”

"I guess, it's just odd to me," he looked around, the dances were all very informal, fast and largely silly. But no one seemed to be bothered what was going on with the others, "Odd in a nice way."

"It's certainly no ball," Roger said. "But it's much more our style. We have a lot of stuff pent up, so there's the dancing around, the drinking to forget some of it, all that. I think most people would go crazy if we didn't have things like this a few times a year.”

"Well you're all more than welcome to take the day off before these events," Brian smiled, "But please look after yourself, I don't want anything to happen to you."

"That's never happened to us before, we're usually in bunches." Elton elbowed Roger gently. "Told him not to go out alone in the dark."

"Wise words, it's not your fault anyway, alphas should know far better than to go after their own needs on someone else," Brian assured him, "Good job he didn't get very far."

Roger nodded and leaned on Elton. "We're just waiting for John and Fred to tire themselves out. Reid is ready to go and Tim we have to carry."

"Reid has been ready to go since before he turned up." Elton muttered "I'll see if he will even consider a dance now the nights drawing to an end." 

"Good luck with that," Brian told him, watching him amble over, "Roger, would it be improper for me to ask for a dance?"

Roger shook his head, giving him his hand. "It's not exactly a waltz."

"I hate the waltz," Brian told him, quickly settling into the jaunty rhythm of it all, "I much prefer this."

Roger smiled and held onto him in the appointed places. This was actually a bit of fun now. "How do you just… jump into it so easily? I've been coming here since I was practically a baby."

"Years of forced dancing lessons, have to learn all sorts of rubbish to all sorts of music," Brian explained, twirling him under his arm, "Plus I was watching how everyone else did it."

"Guess it's not too complicated, once you find the beat." Roger smiled softly. "Poor Elton, you should've offered him a dance. I was almost ready to take him to the floor myself."

"I don't know about that, he seems to have found a partner just fine." Brian nodded, turning them so Roger could see.

"Oh, well… look at that." Roger smiled and nodded. "Reid never dances, Elton must feel special now."

"I get the feeling with Reid that he's been like this since he was born," Brian laughed, "So this really is part of who you are then?"

"Yeah. This is the culture of it all I suppose. Our music and our dancing. Been like this for ages."

"It's pretty amazing," he admitted, "Although I've got to ask, what is Freddie wearing?"

"It's quite stylish in India," Roger said simply. "Just the way he is."

"I won't criticise, everyone dresses like a peacock in London," Brian shook his head, "You look lovely, by the way. Much better than at the ball"

"Thank you." Roger squeezed his hand. "Don't feel nearly as royal, but more comfortable for sure."

"You'll always look beautiful to me," he smiled a little, "No matter what."

Roger was softly blushing. "Really?"

"Really, if it wasn't for the restraints holding us back, I would love to love you," he confessed quietly, "Love you out in the open, carelessly and freely.”

Roger nodded. "Of course. You know how I feel about you already, Brian… I care deeply about you. But I would never want you to lose any part of your status or honor because of someone like me."

"I never wanted it anyway. I never wanted to be one of them, but there isn't a way out that doesn't damage everything else."

"I would rather keep everything intact. For John's and the others' sake."

"I know, I know," Brian nodded, "I wish things could be different. I know it's selfish holding onto you when you have a chance at proper true love."

"Hey, it's not just you." Roger rested his head against him gently. "I can't control my thoughts as well as I'd like to.'

Brian rested his chin on Roger's head, they were just rocking on the spot now, "My mystery, that's what you are, Rog. It might not be worth either of our hearts to work you out, so please... Find someone who can love you."

Roger nodded and closed his eyes. No tears, not now. That wouldn't be fair of him.

Brian held on to him a little longer, not wanting to peel away when the music finally ended, just staying there a few seconds longer.

Roger stayed in place for a few more moments, but gently stepped back after. "We really should stop doing this then," he said quietly.

"Of course..." Brian agreed, no matter how much it painted him to, "Let's get everyone home."

Roger nodded and walked with him back to the others. Between a few of them they dragged Tim home to his quarters, and then the sub separated off into theirs. John spent most nights in Freddie's room, but he still kept his things in Roger's, till the cottage would be ready.

"Good night," Brian said, not making eye contact with Roger.

"Good night, Brian." Roger closed the door, sitting down on the bed.  
He felt drained, emotionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> hope you're all still finding this interesting, love to see comments and kudos!


	7. Your Eyes Have Set Me Dreaming All Night Long…

"Roger, never do this to yourself," John mumbled, holding onto Rogers' hand tightly. It had been months since the harvest festival, their cottage was built just in time for the baby, and everything was nicely in place for them to have a decent and happy life, John had stopped working a few weeks ago, not long after Freddie had started working as the master of the mines, already a small work force coming in under his tenure. 

Brian and Roger on the other hand, still hadn't moved on from the other, if anything it had gotten worse the more they tried to ignore it - but both of them were suffering from the consequences of doing it.

"It'll be over before you know it." Roger stayed close to John's side, soothingly rubbing his arm and squeezing back gently. "Just breathe, nice and easy. You've only got three more centimeters before you push… can't be more than a few hours."

"It's already been hours," although he knew fine well that's how it went, "Where's Freddie?"

"He's working, love, he knows you're on your way." Roger had made sure someone went to tell him shortly after things started. "I know he'll be here before they're born. Just try and take your mind off it."

"That's not particularly easy, love," John gave him a look, pulling his hand to a spot on the bump where the baby was kicking, "You distract me then, what's going on with you and the master?"

Roger shook his head, gently rubbing the spot. "We ignore each other if we can help it. It only hurts both of us. God knows what'd happen if we actually gave in, but we just… it just won't happen, John."

"I'm sorry, I really am," John told him, "You will find someone though, I know it. The mines are gonna be useful - people are going to come and work here, especially with whatever's going on in Europe."

"Yeah… no good can come of things like that." Roger shook his head, combing his fingers through John's hair delicately. "If it's meant to be, something good will happen."

"Mhm," He was back to holding onto Roger's hand again, taking a few minutes before he could reply, "You're always gonna be part of the family, no matter who you end up with, prince or pauper."

"Thank you, darling." Roger nodded and held him back. "I'm honored really."

Freddie showed himself a short time later, Roger moving out of the way for a moment for him. "Dear, please forgive me, it takes ages to get away from there with the work, and trying to get everyone else to keep on it, and then they stop you for conversations. I eventually just had to shut them up, but… well, you're still pregnant-"

"It's fine, you're here now," John nodded, immediately pulling Freddie closer for comfort, "I wasn't going to do this without you."

Freddie held him to his chest, just letting him breathe. "I've got you, love. You and baby both."

John let him hold him through the next few contractions, still holding Roger's hand on the other side.

Roger kept closeby, only letting go to do checks on him, monitor the baby. "I think you're gonna be able to start pushing on the next one or so, John. You're nearly crowning.'

"Oh God," John nodded, "Then we'll have a baby, Fred. Our own little one."

"You're doing capitally, John, I'm so proud of you." Freddie kissed his forehead softly. "My strong, brave Omega.."

John had been reasonably prepared for everything else that had happened during the pregnancy, he was trained after all, and even at the actual birth he knew how it worked and what would happen. But he hadn't anticipated how much it actually took out of him or how much it would hurt, especially as it became active, zoning out everything except Roger's instructions and Freddie's word's.

Roger was as encouraging as possible as he worked. "Nearly there, John, nearly there… easy does it… oh, here we are." He slipped the baby out, and after he gave its mouth and nose a careful swab, the baby started to cry loudly. "Excellent job, John. You've got a healthy little boy." 

"Our boy, John," Freddie said, a bit emotional but very excited as Roger gently put a cloth around the baby, setting him in John's arms

"Our boy," John echoed, crying as the baby squirmed, "He's beautiful, so tiny."

"Probably a little omega like you." Freddie held them both. "Such lovely darlings."

"It doesn't bother you, does it? That he's omega?" John looked up, it was something that offended some people.

Freddie shook his head. "I'm blessed to have another lovely omega to look after, my dear."  
"I hope he grows up to be just like his mama."

"Well that's definitely your face he's got," John looked back down at him, running his finger over the chubby cheek, "And it's my honour, really, to serve you and our child."

"I'll be waiting on you for a while now, dear," Freddie promised him. "I'll handle the mess and then leave you to your baby bonding time," Roget added. "I'll check on you later, though, and you can always send for me."

"Yes, of course, dear," John smiled at him, "Remember to come back, this little one definitely wants cuddles from everyone."

"Definitely." Roger tidied things up and then left. His heart was aching, despite everything. That could've been him. He could've been lucky. But… no.

Brian was the next person to see him. He'd taken up part of the mews with his machine, getting it all assembled and working. He wasn't going to say anything, he'd been avoiding talking to Roger about anything other than work, little updates and the infernal politics that had taken over suddenly - but Roger looked glum. More than glum, he looked fully disheartened. "Rog! Roger," he waved the younger man over, "Is everything okay? Did something happen with the baby?"

"He's born, healthy little angel. An Omega too I think, but his papa is in love with him." Roger smiled softly. "John did wonderfully. He was very strong."

"That's lovely, I'll have to visit in a few days to congratulate them," Brian smiled, "... How've you been?"

"I'm alright," he told him. "Just going a day at a time, taking care of business.'

"That's good, good for you," Brian nodded, looking at his hands awkwardly, "My eh... My fiance is arriving soon."

"Your fiance?" Roger tilted his head just a little. "When did you get engaged? I hope they're not too stuffy."

"Three months ago apparently, I thought I'd at least get an invite," Brian replied dryly, "Countess Eugenia."

"Oh. I'm sorry, really sorry, dear." Roger shook his head. "It's not fair that that's been tossed on you like that. I hope you'll be able to manage."

"It's life, I've known how my life was going to go since I can remember." Brian looked at him, "With any luck the old cow gets bored and finds another husband soon."

Roger nodded. "Still. Won't be too fun."

"It's not meant to be, it's a claim not a romance." Brian said, "And I'd never love any one of that nature."

"I really am sorry," Roger said sincerely. "You deserve to be happy.

"I was, for one fleeting moment, with you. I will remember that forever." He looked at Roger again, scanning him as if it was the last time. Perhaps this was letting go - certainly didn't feel like it. It felt like a knife in the heart. "I wouldn't feel sorry, the little boy in the tree house knew deep down the path, I'm just walking it."

Roger nodded, keeping his head down. "It was definitely worth looking back on," he agreed softly. "Absolutely magical."

"And I'd give everything to go back to that, but I can't," Brian agreed, "Not now that the Bulsara house is an attachment. I can't have you without throwing the rest to the wolves."

"And you must never tell them that," he added. "John and Freddie can never know. Or any of them. I can't let that weigh on them, it isn't fair."

"Funnily enough everything in life taught me not to give away the truth," he said it more factually than anything else, "I know how to hold my tongue."

"As do I." Roger squeezed his hand together gently, taking a deep breath."I better be going," he added softly.

"Yeah..." Brian nodded slowly, "I... Maybe this is for the best."

"Of course. Good luck." Roger walked off, going right to his quarters. He shut the door, sinking down against it. It was all he could do before he fully broke down sobbing. What a nightmare.

Brian brought his fist onto the iron frame of the machine, angrily punching it. There was no way he'd ever get where he wanted.

It was all so stupid. Stupid moments, stupid feelings, stupid rules about everything. It hurt so much, Roger didn't even know what to think about it. He should check on John soon, but he could never let him see him in this state.


	8. Your Eyes Have Set Me Scheming, Right Or Wrong

Roger didn't like the countess a bit. Well, he had no reason to like her, but.. .he really didn't like her. He was waiting on her and Brian, of course, but she was just unnecessarily unkind. None of the respect Brian had, and Roger was surprised how good he was being around her if he was honest. Maybe his spirit had finally broken.

"...And he's such a pretty young thing he'll have to go," The countess said, after having already listed a bunch of other changes she was going to make, "And there's a Paki on the grounds too that can't stay. Most unsightly." 

"I'm not getting rid of a perfectly good work force." Brian countered.

"Well I shouldn't think you have a choice."

Roger wanted to snap. Even just insulting Freddie would be enough, but if she was going to remove them from the household, she didn't even need to be here. But he just quietly stayed in place and continued his task

"And all those nasty machines and equipment create quite an eyesore," She added. She was a fair bit older, early forties but could pass for fifty or more. "And our children will go straight to my family tutors in the city. Any bastards will be sent directly to the workhouse."

Roger's had gripped the polishing rag tighter. He took a deep breath, giving Brian a brief glance. This was killing him. Why her? There were so many insufferable people, but why her?

"And you simply must joust or fence with my guards today, my family requires you to be up to standard," She looked at Brian, not even noticing the look of absolute depression he'd shared with Roger, "Your history seems questionable. Best correct that." 

"If you say so," Brian mumbled, having blocked out most of what she was saying. "The staff are household under my name and can only be changed by me. Any children I should very much like to raise myself and any illegitimate ones will be given a fair chance at life and raised with love."

Roger smiled a little. That was the way to lay down the law. He straightened up a bit and approached them. "May I get some tea started for you, sir?" he asked Brian softly. "We got some silver tip imperial in yesterday.'

"That would be great, tha-"

"I don't drink tea," The countess interrupted, "It's the drink of the eastern men. Port is far better for the constitution." 

"Well allow me to fetch you a bottle," Brian smiled forcedly, "Roger, if you'd accompany me to the wine cellar."

"Yes, sir." Roger nodded, giving a slight nod to the lady as well, before walking off with him. Once they were out of sight he tugged on his hair a bit. "Jesus Christ, Brian-"

"That couldn't have gone much worse." Brian sighed loudly, "The household comes before everything, I will do what I can to persuade her to have mercy."

"Her coming in and… and destroying your household, that you've worked so hard for, it's horrible. She's already insufferable and now she's trying to topple the fucking regime."

"She won't, I won't let her take away from anything. She's still got control of her staff and any shared property is hers."

Roger sighed in a shaky way, putting his hands on his cheeks (which were heating up a bit). "I'm sorry, it's just… it's not fair, to anyone, least of all you. You don't deserve it."

"At least she's probably too old to have children. I'm not sure I could really just sit by and watch them be mind washed," Brian said, he'd pretty much been boiling over the whole time, "Fencing won't be fun either."

"No, of course not. Do you even have any training in that? Regardless, you're not into all that garbage.

"No, I was really more into the arts at school," he shook his head, "But she knew that. Clearly she's done some reading. It's a way to humiliate me."

"It's such absolute nonsense." Roger was trying to stay somewhat composed but that was very difficult. "Fuck… it's so… it's all just… it could've been so nice.”

"I wish I could just do what I wanted," Brian really did, he'd be with Roger, give everyone a proper life and run everything nicely. "She wants to talk to all the staff in person tonight, I won't be there - another reason for the fights. She wants each of you alone."

"She's not going to go near John, is she?" John was still resting quite a bit, the baby wasn't quite three weeks old. 'She better stay away from him and the little one."

"John's counted as Fred's house, only Freddie would be brought in, but she won't go near someone not white." Brian was almost thankful for her racism, if it kept them protected.

"Excellent." Roger looked to the wall of wines. "Best get back to your lady then."

"Please don't call her that, I've essentially become her lapdog," Brian grabbed something, not bothering to read the label, "You can stay outside if you want. No use extending your pain."

"Thanks. I'll come back for my scolding later." Roger watched him go for now, sighing softly.

***

Eugenia looked him over, eyes flickering to the ground in front of her chair where he should sit. "What's your name then? Did your mother give one, blondie? Did she know how to write?"

"She taught me to read and write in English and French, ma'am. It's Taylor, Roger Taylor." Roger was keeping his composure, so far, but they were just beginning. He certainly wasn't smiling.

'As if a runt would need French." She shook her head, "Give me one good reason - if you can count that much - why I shouldn't banish you?"

"I know the master's needs better than anyone," he replied. "I've been his guide since day one, and he'd probably be furious if you let me go, or any of the other members of his trusted staff."

"You should watch your attitude and your loyalty to your master. He's too soft on everyone," She pursed her lips, "Seems even Broadmoor didn't fix his head."

"He's made more innovation and profit from this area than anyone ever has. He's absolutely brilliant. That's just not what you're after, is it?" Roger kept his hands together in front of him.

"We both know I'll never have children with him, but our claim is a legal one based on that promise." She explained, leaning forward a little, "In one year if I haven't conceived my family will order a divorce with him as the guilty party. World's about profit, dear. Not that a rat like you would get that."

"All the money in the world isn't going to make you happy, ever," he told her. "You've got no family, nothing to use it for, so what's it gonna matter once you've passed on? Who is it all for?"

"We all work for someone, my family's interest pertains to the cotton trade," She told him, "And you've certainly given me plenty reasons to put you in a workhouse yourself."

Roger just quietly stood still after that for a moment. "I wish you knew what it felt like to be happy," he said softly. "If you would just fall in love, even for a little while, you'd understand."

"I have loved, well before you were even born," she snapped, "You know nothing about heartbreak, nothing about the world I live in. I was weak in love. Adebayo was killed in cold blood to make me who I am today. Get out. Get out!"

Roger left the room, shaking his head. Of course; No one was just born as bitter as her. At least he had gotten to her almost as much as she had gotten to him.

Brian was in the kitchen when Roger walked through, trying to clean out a few of the nastier cuts from the fencing. "Rog? How'd it go? She wasn't too horrible was she? You just ignore her."

"Too much," Roger told him, pausing as he walked by (but not facing him). "Do you need me to get you some help for those wounds? I can call Tim."

"I'm good... You're crying," he dropped the cloth immediately, heading towards Roger and looking at his face.

"I'm fine,' he told him, brushing the back of his hand over his cheeks. "Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself...here or at the workhouse."

"I'd never let that happen, love, never," Brian emphasised, "You are everything I have, everything that's worth fighting for is right here. I won't let it slip away."

"Miserable old hag, she's already planning your divorce settlement," he told him. "She only lives to grow the cotton business because she had her heart broken by the wrong man ages ago. Takes it out on everyone else, especially you, and it's bullshit, it's not fair."

"It was slave cotton. Her family had a house in Morocco," Brian told him, "She's just a product of the culture she was raised in. But I won't let her hurt anyone. I don't know how yet, but i won't."

Roger shook his head. "Just have to… just have to keep being going, doing what I'm told and hope I stay sane and all."

"I'm so sorry, this isn't fair on you. I genuinely thought this wouldn't happen now, I thought even if we could never be official we could still be together..."

"Really?" Roger looked up at him. "I… why would you do that to yourself? People would find out? And I know you could find someone to make you happy. Someone acceptable."

"I don't want acceptable, I don't want a sub who just sits by and does what their told all day. You've got spirit, Roger. So much life in you, but you're still kind, and caring and so so clever. And I... And I love you."

"You love me?" Roger took one of his hands to hold gently. He didn't look away.

"Yes..." He searched Roger's eyes for a second, "I shouldn't have said anything-"

Roger leaned up on his toes, giving him a little kiss on the cheek.

"Rog, if we're not careful we're going to go down a road there's no going back."

"If we haven't already." Roger brushed a bit of Brian's hair back. "What do you wanna do?... what will you do, rather?'

"About what specifically?" He asked, although he already had an idea what, "Her? Or us?"

"I meant right now. Like, at this moment, not long term. What are you going to do right now?"

"Something very stupid, probably," he told him, "But it might very well be the only opportunity that I've got."

"Then go for it." Roger squeezed his hands gently. "I'm up for anything."

Brian kissed him again, properly this time. He wrapped one arm around Roger's waist, the other hand on the blond locks. The kiss was far deeper than before, more full of passion and desperation.

Roger kissed back, closing his eyes and putting his arms around Brian too to get as close as he could. He pulled back a bit to get some air, keeping close. "Should probably get outta the kitchen… don't need to be watched.”

Brian nodded, ducking quickly to pick Roger up, "Your quarters?"

"Yes, go on," he agreed, holding onto him too. "Carefully now.”

The kitchen wasn't far from the dormitories, but they really didn't need to be caught, especially not by one of the countess' people. Brian let Roger down on his bed, quickly turning back to lock the door.

Roger untied his apron and set it aside. He could let Brian take more of it off if he wanted, but they'd waited a while and he didn't want to waste time.

Brian looked at his eyes for permission before delicately undoing the dress buttons, watching the material fall away before going around to undo the corset. " Absolutely gorgeous, Roger... You're so breathtaking."

Roger was blushing softly, watching him work. "I do hope that I'm going to be worth all the buildup.

"One second with you is worth more than an eternity without. You're worth it all." Brian kissed the back of his neck.

Roger closed his eyes, almost purring. "You're too good to me.

"'Two souls but with a single thought, two hearts that beat as one'," , Brian quoted, gently sliding the last of the material away, "exquisite."

Roger smiled softly, letting Brian roam his hands over his figure. "Part of the job is keeping desirable. Comes easier to some of us.

"You'd be desirable to me no matter what you looked like," He assured him, having no circled around to look at his face again, "But you look like a deity, young Aphrodite."

Roger smiled up at him. "You're definitely easy on the eyes, Brian. Any omega would be lucky."

"If you say so, love," Brian carefully swept Roger's hair away from his face. "Tell me if you're not comfortable."

"I will, promise." Roger kissed the corner of his mouth gently.

"I'd love you like this for the rest of my life,” if I could, but that wasn't needed to be said out loud.

"I can only imagine." Roger was certainly never going to forget this.

Their moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> thank you for all the kudos and comments  
> xxx


	9. Someone Who'd Never Part, To Call My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> August 1914 leaves the house with news they will never recover from

Brian manoeuvred them on the bed, still sweating from it all. He flipped them gently to hold Roger on top of him, kissing his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bri." Roger closed his eyes, catching his breath and resting on Brian's chest. "I love you so much… so much.

"Could stay like this forever," Brian told him, wrapping his arms around him, "Could die right now and still have never been happier."

Roger smiled softly. "You and me both. Y'never know. She might burst in and put a pitchfork through both of us.

"I don't think she'd know what a pitchfork is," Brian added, "Only work she's ever done is research on her victims.”

Roger huffed softly. "Such a bitch."

"I wish I could claim you," Brian told him, "Show you how to be adored and the real love out there, and be by your side, have a family, grow old together..."

"I… I don't know. Maybe nothing's ever completely certain… besides me. I'm certain I love you, no matter what."

"That's enough for me," He nodded, "I guess we will just have to find a medium between our worlds."

"Sounds like a plan." Roger held his hand, pressing a little kiss to his knuckles

"Can I just stay here tonight? I don't much fancy having to go upstairs to her."

Roger nodded. "I'd never send you away. Never. Only leave soon enough not to be suspicious."

"I'll be away before light," Brian promised, "Anyway, her personal guard probably wants another go at kicking the shit out of me."

"Got to get you some lessons so you can turn the tables," he decided. "Throw him off his game, throw some equations at him during the match."

"I'd much rather not, I don't much like fights. Hence why I didn't like school so much."

"Is there a lot of fighting in schools?" Roger had only been able to learn from his mum, and he was one of the luckier ones.

"All male alpha schools where everyone was landed gentry and no one had ever been hugged as a child. You should have seen the brutes those places breed."

"I've probably met a few, though the ones around here were usually older than your generation." Roger shook his head. "You're a miracle really.

"The phrase you're looking for is weak link," Brian corrected, "But if it leads me to love you I shan't complain."

"Whatever you call it, I wouldn't change a thing," Roger told him, nuzzling against his chest. "Now get some sleep."

"Alright, dear," Brian kissed the top of his head, tucking the covers around Roger's body, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, love." Roger fell fast asleep in his arms.

Brian woke up earlier than he would've liked, he was about to grumble about it and turn over when he suddenly got his bearings. Roger was still very much on top of him and his fiance was still very much wandering around his house.

Roger was fast asleep, blond hair a mess around his face and shoulders. He hadn't slept this well in a while. He'd be up shortly, but he was sleeping so well with Brian, feeling safer than ever.

"Darling," Brian let him sleep a while longer, but he wasn't sure how long before someone went looking, "Wakey wakey."

Roger rubbed his eyes, squeezing his hand. "Suppose you should go, hm?"

"I don't really want to, but God knows what will happen if I don't," He said, his voice rough, "You alright?"

Roger nodded. "I'll get myself tidied up and all."

"You were more than worth every second," Brian told him, "And I do love you, it wasn't a heat of the moment thing. I love you."

"I love you too." Roger kissed his cheek, playing with his hair a little.

"We really better get up," they could both hear something happening upstairs, "That doesn't sound great.'

"Go on, ahead of me, I'll get myself together." Roger slipped out of the bed, grabbing his things.

Brian grabbed his clothes from the previous day, quickly pulling them on and wondering upstairs, straight into a world of chaos. 

"You're leaving?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at the countess as all of her belongings were loaded into boxes and from there onto her array of carriages. 

"Oh, don't act that bothered." She tutted at him, "Lady Britannia's ally has just been invaded. There's to be a war. Can't waste time with you."

"It's true." Freddie looked nervous. He stood near Brian. "It'll probably be a matter of time before a draught comes, our army is already being defeated in Belgium."

"What?" He understood the words, or he knew what they meant, but it took him a second to get them. 

"Our army has already been wiped out in Ypres,” she told him, perhaps taking pity, "They'll make the war sound like heaven, if you don't go you're a coward. It'll get the poor uneducated folk. Then once they've run out there'll be a conscription. I suggest you say goodbye to him."

"Freddie and Mr. Reid," Elton said softly. "They'll probably be in the first batch to go. I don't know about Tim, where they'd place him."

"Brian is highborn, he'd be an officer. They're not going to let him get away," She told them with a smile, putting her coat on to leave, "You'll all go down together. Pals battalion. I’ve to go north away from here while it's possible. Adieu."

"She's right," Reid said once she'd properly gone, "There's no way out of this, the civilians will be put to work where we've left."

Roger hurried over and joined them. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

"War, Rog," Elton said sadly. "Things are gonna change, soon."

"There's no getting out of this," Freddie added, "It's the whole of Europe they're saying. Once we join it brings in the empire. The whole world."

"Oh God..." Roger crossed his arms over his chest, almost hugging himself. "Freddie, John's..." 

"I know." Freddie put a hand on Roger's shoulder, biting his lip quietly. "It'll all be alright, Roger."

"We enlist now and we'll end up together," Reid told them, standing close to Elton, "Leave Tim behind. He's not old enough for the army-”

“They’re letting them lie,” Freddie pointed out, eyes locked on the floor, “They’ll tell him to come back with a cigarette to prove his age, then sell him one at the door.”

“We’ll say he can stay, he can manage the land, he’s just a boy."

“What happens to us?” Roger looked up, eyes welling up with tears, glancing at Brian, “John and the baby too? Esmail is just months old.”

Elton nodded, not looking up for now. "We'll have each other," Roger promised, taking the other sub's hand. "We'll take good care of Deacy and the baby too." 

"I have to go tell John," Freddie admitted, "I shouldn't leave him to find out alone. Not with our baby so young."

"Go on then, I'll be here if you need me." Roger patted his shoulder gently.

"Thanks, yeah," he nodded, a little distracted by it all. Brian finally had his head around everything, going to Roger's side immediately.

Roger looked up at him, biting his lip gently. "You're not going to be in your element at all."

"I have to go, darling," Brian told him, "I have to. Can I talk to you in private?"

Roger nodded and followed him to the other room. He was feeling so torn up. Things were going from bad to worse, for each fortunate moment they seemed to get an eternity of bad luck.

"I could claim you, in the rush of everything no one would notice." He stated expressionlessly, "But I might not come back. I don't want to leave you widowed."

"I think it might still be worth it, don't you?" he asked him, looking up at him. "I mean, would that mean anything for us? Even if you were… lost out there.

"You'd have everything, the house, land, title; everything. You'd be protected... But you'd struggle to reclaim if you fell in love with someone else. I couldn't take that chance away from you."

Roger shook his head. "I don't want anyone else. I'll never stop thinking about you, Bri.”

"I love you," Brian kissed his head, "I'll try my hardest to come back… On my life I will."

"I love you too." Roger smiled softly. "I'll keep hoping for it every day. And I'll help look after the others.”

"The power goes to you, if we can keep Tim here he'll be second in command," Brian told him, "... Let me claim you today."

"Nothing would make me happier," Roger told him. He smiled a little, tears falling down his cheeks. This was wrong, no matter how much he’d wanted to hear Brian say those words, how much he wanted them to be together, not at this cost. No love he could ever feel would be worth the pain of losing him. "Never thought we would get this far.

"Never wanted it to be because of this," he muttered, "It's funny, actually... I'll be canon fodder and you'll be a countess of the land."

"How strange." Roger squeezed his hand gently.

"I will always protect you, even when I'm not here." Brian promised, "Even if I'm gone."

"I know, love." Roger put his arms around him, giving him a squeeze.

"Well go this afternoon... I don't know when we have to enlist."

Roger nodded. "Should I wear something nice?"

"If you want to, you look good to me regardless of what you wear," Brian told him, "I'm sorry I can't give you the ceremony you deserve.”

"It's alright," he told him. "So long as I have you, that's all I need."

"If I get back... I will take you for a proper one, I promise."

Roger smiled softly. "Then I'll be counting the days till you return, love."

"I don't know how long a war takes... A couple of months?" Brian shrugged, "I'll count them too."

It'd be more than a few months. But Roger just nodded - there was no use in crying anymore now, it would only make it harder for Brian. "It'll be worth it."

"However long it takes, as long as I get home to you at the end of it all." he agreed, "It'll all be worth it.”

***

"How could this happen? Why now, to us?" John could hardly believe it. He was standing in front of Freddie in the kitchen, tears threatening to fall. Just when everything was starting to go alright, war.

"I'm sorry, darling," He'd gone straight to the crib when he'd arrived home, holding the sleeping Esmail close to his chest. "I'll be back in no time."

"Freddie, this is serious, you're gonna go right to the front of the lines, we might lose you." John shook his head, running his fingers through his hair

"You won't lose me, they're saying it'll be over by Christmas. We'll just go over and fight, be right back in no time."

"I'm not going to be able to stop worrying about you, Freddie." John watched him rock the baby. He couldn't stop thinking about Esmail having to grow up without his papa.

"I'll write to you every evening," Freddie promised, "I don't want to go, but it's my duty. Little Essy doesn't want his father to be a coward."

"No. No, of course not." John shook his head, wiping his eyes again. "I'm sorry, Freddie… I'm going to miss you so much.”

"I'm going to miss you too, I'll think of you all the time, dream of you and our baby." Freddie rested his forehead on John's, the child between them, "And I will be back."

"I really hope so, Fred." John put his hands on his shoulders.

"I will, I promised we'd have a life together, and we will." He told him, bouncing Esmail a little more when he started to stir, "I've got so much I want to do, we could have another couple of these little crying bundles, make a little garden with a potting shed, visit the seaside one day."

"Oh yes, I'd love to build a little group up with you," John told him. "I mean… it wasn't too fun to get through, but look at this little angel."

"Maybe the next one will be more like you," Freddie commented, looking at his son's face, "Seems this little one got the pout and the volume from me."

"Don't really mind that," John told him, kissing Freddie's cheek.

Freddie smiled, "See? It's all worked out. I'll go with the others tomorrow afternoon to take the king's shilling, then we have a week. And I'll be back from there in no time."

"Right." John put his arms around him. "As long as you come back, it's okay.'

Esmail seemed to find the opportunity to grab his mum's apron in one hand and his dad's shirt in the other, whimpering loudly, almost as if he knew what was happening.

"I can hardly stay away from him, can I?" Freddie laughed,anything to choke back the feeling for fear, "You'll never even notice I went."

"Good, good." John kept his arms around him for now. He didn't really want to let go either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Kind of a sad one, everything's gone tits up, huh? Chapter titles are changing from "Only girl" (a edwardian love song) to a war song ("Keep the homefires burning").
> 
> For this, theres going to be the home front and the war front, I don't know if anyone has any suggestions on whether the war front should be on the main fic of posted only on my Tumblr, but please comment/ shoot an ask or dm me if you have any opinion on it (the fic was originally written without the war front, but I'm adding them if its wanted, its not necessary to the reading, and it likely won't be co-written).
> 
> Thank you for reading so far, I hope this remains interesting, the war is written out as historically accurate as my degree let me, so hopefully it's not to shabby, but be warned it is a war, trigger warnings apply.
> 
> love,  
> Pluto


	10. Keep The Homefires Burning

Roger watched him numbly, the bed still warm, his ring still foreign on his finger.

He’d speculated for years what it would be like to be claimed, as a child he’d imagined a knight in shining armour coming down on a white horse and whisking him away to a castle, that had turned to just hoping someone half decent from the village had time for him, that he’d be able to leave the house and bring up a family, even if they were poor, he’d make sure they were happy.

He’d given up on even that after a while, seeing Freddie and John forced to hide away from the eyes of the old master, there was no way Roger could see himself in love, never mind claimed.

But here he was, only a few hours into what would last the rest of their lives, however long that was, watching as Brian carefully got into his uniform. Roger had let himself forget for the quick ceremony, for that brief hour he really was with his knight, so, so in love, a perfect vignette of happiness, confetti and dancing and a beautiful ring.

But it was a cracked image, stale behind the top layer. He’d worn the same dress Brian had bought him in London, a pale blue instead of white, the dancing had barely lasted ten minutes, John and Freddie clinging to each other, their baby between them. Roger had looked up to Brian during the vows, eyes already streaming with tears.

This could all end so very quickly.

They fell into bed as if there was time to spare, slowly moving together as tears mixed into their kisses, holding each other too close, nowhere near close enough though.

Now it was over, Brian had packed and was leaving, dressed in khaki and brown. Freddie had asked about their uniform, the British army had always worn royal red, but not this time, Reid explained quietly, they had started with red and been torn to pieces by these new machines, bombs that could kill a hundred men at once, guns firing new rounds every second, gases that would sear their flesh and blind them.

They wouldn’t be riding out on a field to fight valiantly against their foe, they’d be fighting in the mud, dying indignantly and in pain with the other side, men forced to be machines.

That was when they knew it wasn’t going to be the noble war they were told about.

“We’ll have training, at salisbury plain, just sticking bayonets in scarecrows, doesn’t seem enough,” Brian commented, pinning his officer pips to his arm, “Well Freddie and John will, I’m expected to know.”  
“Do you?” Roger looked at him, he looked so different, hair cut shorter, so serious in his uniform, revolver clipped to his belt, “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?”

“...No,” Brian shook his head, “At least I’ll be with the people from here, but… I’m not a soldier, I’m especially not an officer, I can’t lead people to what could be their deaths… I can’t kill a man.”

Roger went to him, holding him as they stood alone in their bedroom, “You just come back to me, I don’t care what happens out there. I want you back Brimi. I need you.”

“I’ll write, when I can,” Brian promised instead, “We should reach belgium for November, there’s trenches already built now.”

“I’ll send whatever you need, food or clothes or letters, you just ask,” Roger held his hand, “I’ll manage the house in the meantime, don’t worry about that.”

Brian nodded, kissing his forehead, time seemed to lapse as they waited for the army vehicles to arrive at the house, suddenly saying goodbye, hands trying to cling on a second longer, the baby crying loudly as all they knew was ripped apart.

And suddenly it was over, they were out of sight, the four remaining members of the household were standing together, completely alone without them.

***

Weeks seemed to pass, letters came and went, news of the war poured in every morning with the papers, the victories and champions praised endlessly, telegrams started coming through too, mothers crying for their boys, families without their Doms forever now, made the articles seem futile.

They’d been moved to the war zone now, stationed just outside of Ypres, the boys calling it ‘wipers’ for ease, but their letters were frequent enough, censored, but there, and that meant they were alive.

"Rog, love, that you?" John didn't look up from the parcel he was making, little Esmail sleeping in a makeshift cot (a wicker basket and some blankets) nearby.

"Yes, dear." Roger walked into the room, glancing at the baby and then John. "You got any of those ginger biscuits left from the other day? Stomach's been bothering me and those usually do it."

"Mhm, tin in the top cupboard," John pointed him to it, "I think that's everything; jam, cigarettes, some woolens. I couldn't find any of the soap bars."

"You sending that to the boys?" Roger asked, taking the tin down. It had been just long enough to begin getting used to them being gone, but they were still missed quite a bit.

"Yeah, they're being all tough in their letters, just asking for small things, but it can't be nice," John said, "I don't know what more we could send. They'll not be back anytime soon."

"I know… I'm so worried for them, all of them." Roger shook his head, leaning on the counter beside him and starting to nibble on a cookie. "They're not made to be out there like this.'

"I bloody know that, God, you hear so many stories now... Even Mrs Hunter down the road, her sons both killed last week, and Mr Bolan, his boy went just two weeks ago and is already gone" John told him, "And Tim's just lapping up all the propaganda, saying what a beautiful honour it would be to go, listening to it all, silly boy."

Roger rolled his eyes. "He needs to relax, I prefer to keep as many of our "family" around as we can."

"I don't know if there'll be much stopping him," John admitted, "Did you get any news from your husband?"

Roger shook his head. "I haven't heard anything since the first few. Don't think he has much time."

"He'll get back, they all will," John said for the millionth time, "Just you wait, one day they'll come knocking, just wanted some home cooking and attention."

"Of course." Roger looked back at Esmail. "Is he still a quite sleepy guy or are you up with him more?'

"He's fussing more, just about sleeping five hour chunks now," John reported, smiling at the baby, "Mind yourself if you pick him up, he's gotten into tugging on hair."

"I won't disturb him, he looks very cozy," Roger decided, continuing to nibble on the food.

"Mhm, just wanting his papi... Here, do you want something stronger for your stomach? I can make a tonic for you."

"Yeah, I'd really like that actually," he told him. "It's just been such a pain lately, I'm sure the heat's coming or something.

"I'll add some sugar to help that feel better too," He smiled, "It's been a while since I've had to make one for you."

"Yeah. Been unusually lucky as far as health, hm?" Roger set the tin aside, overdoing it wouldn't help either.

"Yeah..." John gave him a strange look, "When was the last time you had a heat? I don't remember you even mentioning it recently."

"I think the last one was about a month ago, but it was a bit of a strange one, not as rough as it's been. Maybe it's because me and Brian linked up the month before that."

"I get them kinda like that now cos I'm chest feeding," John commented, but they'd really been like that since he'd gotten pregnant, which raised some other possibilities for Roger. "Have you been feeling anything else lately?"

Roger shrugged. "Just a little sensitive. It's such an adjustment, isn't it? All this stuff."

"Have you gained any weight?" He wasn't trying to be insensitive, but his suspicion was growing, "Or losing any suddenly?"

"I… I don't know, I haven't really been paying attention to that. Not that I've noticed?" Roger looked himself over. Maybe a bit of the former, but not enough to /really/ notice. "What exactly are you getting at here?"

"Your symptoms add up to pregnancy, and you were a day from your heat when you got claimed, that's still very fertile." John told him.

Roger got quiet, and shook his head. "No, that can't be it. Not now. There's gotta be something else, right?

"I mean yeah, it could just be a bad heat coming along, or some nasty gripe, but if that doesn't happen in the next week or so then... Well... Looks like you're with child."

"C'mon, that doesn't just happen the first time you do it, does it?" Roger crossed his arms gently. "That's sort of storybookish.”

"Well yes, actually. Doesn't matter how often you've done it, if he's in, so to speak, there's a chance." John told him, "And none of us have been on contraception since the old master so it's perfectly possible."

"Christ." Roger shook his head. "I'll take the baby now, he'll pull out my hair more gently than I will."

"He really won't, and it's not terrible news," John patted his arm, "You'll be a mum, that's great, isn't it?"

"No, it's not great." Roger stepped away from him. "It's absolutely awful. I didn't even know if I wanted to be a mum, and now there won't even be a dad in the picture. You should understand how awful that is, shouldn't you?"

"I understand why it's not ideal, but it helps you feel better when you've got a baby to hold. And how could you not want kids?"

"It's just never something I've been looking forward to, I don't know." Roger crossed his arms. "I'm sorry, John, I just… I need to go think about this." He walked out of the cottage back to the manor.

John just rolled his eyes, finishing up the parcel. He had priorities now, baby first, then Freddie, then the other boys, THEN the ones at home. If Roger was going to be difficult there really wasn't the time.

Roger went off to his and Brian's room. He shut himself in, just to have some space. God, he felt horrible. Just… horrible. About everything.

There wasn't much they could do, volunteers were sent from the city, those who weren't able to fight, to work the fields and the mine, increase the production to help the war, Roger had been placed effectively as head of household but there was very little he could do anyway. Within the house it wasn't much better, they went about their duties quietly, saving up every week to send the boys something to make them feel better away from home. They waited to receive letters back, every now and then, although it became obvious they were leaving out the worst of it.

Roger knew he was pregnant in the next few days. He wasn't very happy, but he'd at least accepted it. When was he going to tell Brian, though? Had to be soon, didn't it? But it'd be such a distraction to him.


	11. While Your Hearts Are Yearning

John knocked on his door a couple of weeks later, "Roger, there's letters, open up."

He walked over and let him in. "Did you read yours already?"

"No, no," John shook his head, "I don't know if I'd be able to alone. Not if it's bad news."

Roger nodded, sitting on the bed. "Get in then. Let's see.”

"You gonna read yours too?" John asked, settling in, he wasn't going to mention the pregnancy. Roger hadn't told him, but he'd pretty much confirmed it by doing so.

"I may as well." Roger nodded and took the envelope from him. "Fingers crossed."

John nodded, carefully opening the envelope, smiling at where Freddie had doodled on the edges of the paper. He scanned the writing, "He's alright, said they all liked the jam and not to worry, that they’ll head off to somewhere called wipers soon, apparently it should be easy."

"Oh thank goodness." Roger undid the seal and started reading over Brian's. "He's so poetic with these."

"Fred's not, “if there's spelling mistakes, blame the pen,” oh, and I’ve to send rum, the sergeant major steals the privates," John smiled before looking over at Roger, "What's he saying then? Or is it all obscure poetry?"

"Well he expresses himself in romantic quotes, but he did say things in his own words, 'I hold onto our moments. They've been so few, but they're worth everything in the world, even if I never come home'...Brian, don't talk like that, damn it." Roger wiped his eyes before he could get too upset - no, no telling Brian about the baby would make things worse, they’d be back soon anyway.

"Depressive sod your man," John said, "Fred reckons it's cause they've put him in charge of their battalion - he’s the one that’ll be giving the orders to go over the top, to fight and die... I always thought he'd been like that a while."

"I think he had some mental health issues in his younger years… I never brought it up, but his mum mentioned that he'd been to lots of doctors back then."

"I hope it was just doctors, I remember someone telling me what happens at the big asylums like Whittingham and Broadmoor. Even on children they use electrotherapy." John shook his head, "How a mother could do that to their baby..."

"That's horrible," Roger said softly. "I didn't even know… God, that's awful."

"I made the mistake of trying to read up on some extra medical things before Essy was born, not great reading when you're pregnant."

"No, absolutely not, that's… no." Roger folded the letter up again. "They're alright, that's what matters for now.”

"And they will be. They've kind of got to be now," John knew they'd have to talk about it eventually, "Now they've both got family."

"And I don't know how to bring that up in a letter without him going absolutely insane out there." Roger smoothed out his skirt a bit.

"It's better than 'oh hello love, don't mind that child I never told you about when he gets home', Roger come on, he probably needs the morale."

Roger nodded slowly… maybe, at least tell John he had. "Right… I'll send it to him with this batch, let him know what he's fighting for.”

"Good," John nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, "And even if he doesn't come back, you'll still have a reminder. That's something, isn't it?"

"...of course." But hadn't they just agreed they didn't need to talk like that. "Yeah… never forget our moments."

"No, so who do you think they'll look like?" John decided to change the subject a little, "Little boy? Girl?"

"Mmm… maybe a girl," he pictured. "Lots of curly hair like her papa. I want his looks to shine through, a gorgeous girl that knows how to take charge but still has a sensitive side."

"She'd be a clever wee thing, both her parents are," John added, "Probably loves going outside and sweets and running around."

"Certainly hope so." Roger leaned on his side gently, maybe she’d have that same twinkle in her eye when she had an idea, or get excited over little things she found beautiful, or go looking for hedgehogs in the middle of the night...

"There you go, and I won't leave you to do it alone," John promised, "Especially not if they're not home by then."

"I don't think there's any chance they will be," he admitted softly. “It’s gone Christmas, they don’t seem to have even begun yet.”

"You don't know that," John nudged him, "I don't want Esmail to not know his father."

"We'll just keep hoping," he added, softly rubbing his stomach, his palm back and forth over his tummy.

"They'll be back, I know it," John rubbed his shoulder a second, "Listen, I've got to go, I left Essy babysitting Elton and one of them will end up crying. But I'll find something for nausea."

"Thank you, dear." Roger squeezed him gently. "I'll come down soon… I'll try and write the letter first."

“Tell me how it goes, yeah?" John kissed the top of his head, "And don't worry, he loves you."

"Thanks again. I'll make sure I keep that in mind." He looked up at him, watching him leave, then looking back at his lap. Everything was a mess. Just… a mess.

***

“What’s happening out there?” Freddie went to the entrance to the dugout, looking up at the sky, “It’s like it’s on fire… Like it’s day time.”

“Hush… here comes a whizz bang,” Brian quoted, they hadn’t understood it when they first arrived, the songs and jokes about all these strange words, the whizz bangs and Alley men, the shrapnel and dugouts… they’d not been familiar with those words.

Now they were.

They got there in February, stationed as the ninth Leadworth battalion of his majesty the king’s army. And it seemed okay at first, they had two weeks behind the lines at a village, helping the locals farm and trying to rebuild the railway to get mail in (a task that was never finished), then they had their rotation on the tertiary line, learning about the casualties and seeing the stretchers of dead and wounded go past them day by day. They were in the second line when the attack was called, that the German army had been ordered to surround Ypres, wipers the boys called it, stubborn tongues not best equipt for foreign names.

Now they were on a salient, sitting on the front line surrounded at all angels except behind, and there was no way back there alive. Christmas had been so different, even at war they hadn’t done much fighting, huddled together in the cold. Freddie had started humming silent night, trying to get the others to smile, eventually having them all join in singing. Then something curious happened. They heard the Germans start singing the same tune, same words too more or less, albeit in a different language. It had been Brian that stood up, looking over no man’s land to see no guns firing, some of the enemy officers waving back. Some young lad from their side had kicked a ball over the parapet, inviting Fritz to play. Brian found himself talking to an elderly German officer - Hanz, neither particularly good at the other’s language, but they showed each other photos of back home, Hanz had a sub, four children, first grandchild on the way too, he played the accordion in his spare time. Brian told him about Roger, about how much he loved him, how much he wanted to go home to him soon.

It was then he realised these were the people they would be killing, that would be killing them. They all had love to get back to, no different than he did. At that moment he knew for certain he had to keep to his promise, never to kill another.

The next day no one wanted to fight, but there had to be a war. That was the order, war. Some unknown person above them wanted death and fire across the fields of France and Belgium. So off they went.

But that was months ago, now they were stuck, explosions overhead from the artillery, ground mines being planted beneath them, defending a salient by themselves with no back up, barely any supplies, no word from home in ages. It didn’t seem worth it.

“We’ll have to repair that tomorrow I guess,” Ried didn’t look up from his book, “Fucking rats will be all over the place.”

“They’re already all over the place, only things that are getting fat,” Freddie mutteder, pulling the corrugated metal over the opening, “You have a lucifer? Ta… What do rats even eat? No one is leaving crumbs for them, all the vegetation has been burned away-”

“Carrion,” Brian told him, looking at a spot on the floor where water was dripping from the ceiling, watching the delicate muddy ripples, “ ‘Not, I'll not, carrion comfort, Despair, not feast on thee; Not untwist — slack they may be — these last strands of man. In me ór, most weary, cry I can no more. I can; Can something, hope, wish day come, not choose not to be.’ Manley Hopkins… The rats get fat off of us, our dead we leave to rot.”

“Stop it, not tonight,” Freddie shook his head, “The world is grim enough without that talk, Brian. If you’re going to give us poetry, make it something nice, something about faeries or changelings or whatever.”

Brian grumbled, “We, the Fairies, blithe and antic, Of dimensions not gigantic,” He began, letting his words fill the room mindlessly, “Though the moonshine mostly keep us,Oft in orchards frisk and peep us…. Stolen sweets are always sweeter, Stolen kisses much completer, Stolen looks are nice in chapels, Stolen, stolen, be your apples. When to bed the world are bobbing, Then's the time for orchard- robbing; Yet the fruit were scarce worth peeling, Were it not for stealing, stealing.”

Freddie closed his eyes as Brian started speaking again. He should ask him to write it down, or ask for the book at least, so he could tell Esmail, tell his boy all these fairytales about the monsters and brave heroes… at least for him there might not be monsters. Not the types in poems, no, Esmail would grow up with the monsters running the land, the cruel and evil sitting behind desks and ordering them away. But he’d try to make it better for his son, and John. He’d get back, tell Essy all the bedtime stories he’d missed, tell john how much he loved him.

He had to get back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So some time has passed and Roger hasn't said anything, hmm? 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I really hope the front lines part isn't too bad, it's only written by myself with no beta or editing, and I really am trying not to go into too much historical detail and bore the life out of everyone so please go easy on me, but the stuff with Roger and John was co-written by Soft so it should be a lot better.
> 
> I think that'll be the set up from now on, with part of the chapter being a mix of both of us and the second part being just me.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for all the comments and kudos on the last chapter, they really mean so so much to us both. If you have any questions or asks or anything head over to my tumblr (or softs) or pop them down in the comments here.
> 
> Love,  
> Pluto xxx


	12. Though Your Lads are Far Away They Dream Of Home

"Morning preggo," Elton chirped, getting help from John with the letter writing, he couldn’t read very well yet, Reid had been helping him in their spare time, but obviously that had stopped, "Have you got yours done?"

"No." Roger walked over to the table, taking a seat with one hand supporting the bump. "I don't think I'm gonna make one this round. Haven't heard back from them in nearly half a year now.'

"Rog don't be silly, there's likely just been a bit of trouble with the post, you know how much they move around, if they get stuck it can be a while." John tutted, trying his best to keep Esmail from crawling away, well walking now. "Just write something."

"I really don't feel up to it, now right now." Roger watched the little one for a moment. Poor thing, didn't even really know he had a daddy, but he reminded him of Freddie so much.

"Fine," John sighed, "I've mentioned that you're okay and send your love, Fred can pass it on."

"Where are the letters really going, John? Why haven't we heard anything? What's even the point right now?" Roger looked over at him. "Maybe it makes you feel better but not me."

"I can't give up, I can't do that to him." He was louder than normal, trying to get Roger to think the same by yelling, a desperate knee jerk reaction to it, "What am I supposed to do? Sit by and pretend he doesn't have a father?"

"You think Esmail understands what you're doing?" Roger shook his head, sounding a bit more even but much sterner. "He doesn't even know what a father is, and neither will this little one."

"They're coming back, Roger. They are. And Esmail will hear me talk about Freddie all day long if that's what it takes. He will know who his papa is. So will your baby."

"But they won't." Roger stood up. "Brian is never going to get to know his son, and Freddie isn't either. Yeah, Freddie knows he's here but what does that do? He's missing everything, John. You can talk about Freddie as much as you like but if he walked in here tonight, he'd be a stranger to his son.”

"Well if it doesn't make any fucking difference then why shouldn't I hope?" John snapped, "WHEN Freddie comes back he'll know all about what his baby's been up to, and Esmail will know about his daddy. Where's the harm in trying?"

"There's harm in trying when you need to let go," Roger told him, on the verge of breaking, still worn out from the previous sleepless night, baby kicking him into having to think, long lonely nights made to drag and twist into a darker mind. "What proof do you want, John? What more of a sign do you need? You want them to send you his jacket full of shrapnel and bullet holes, then are you going to give up?"

"Roger, you just wait until your own baby arrives, alright? Then you sit there and watch that child be just like Brian and keep telling yourself he's dead...” His voice cracked, the kitchen going silent now, Elton tore at the skin by his thumb nervously watching the exchange. “You won't be able to… You won’t."

"It's just gonna be the nail in his coffin, John." Roger looked away. "Just gonna break my heart a little more everyday… God help me love this baby enough not to despise it for making me think of him more than I already do." He pressed his lips together into a line, a few tears spilling down his cheeks.

John stayed silent at that. He couldn't exactly stop Roger from hating the child, take it in as his own if he needed to. He just shook his head, trying not to cry while holding the still struggling infant, Esmail trying to reach out for them in fear, big brown eyes and black half curls giving him a distinct look, so much like Freddie’s...

"I'm sorry, it's… it's all too much," Roger admitted. "I'd rather have gone off to war myself then what's happening now. At least then I'd know for certain."

"I know it's too much, but you can't just give up. What would he say if he saw you?"

"That he certainly made a mistake claiming me." Roger shook his head. "The only reason he did it was to protect me and us so he might have something to come home to, but he thought he was to come home an age ago."

"Roger, he loved you, and he was clever enough not to make mistakes," John stood up, heading slowly for Roger, "And he'd love that child just as much."

"He would." He would if he were alive. Roger softly rubbed the bump, baby kicking anxiously about.

"Roger," Elton spoke up, they'd both forgotten he was there, "I don't think all this is good for the baby."

"Of course it isn't, not for either of us." He looked down. "I'm going to try to be a good mum… maybe it'll get easier.

"I promise you, once you see them you'll never want to look away, everything revolves around them," John told him, "And even if you feel like you're messing up, you're not."

"Thinking about him just hurts," Roger said softly. "It feels like I've already lost him, that's why I have no hope. Because when the letter finally comes, not one from them, I don't want everything to come crashing down. Better to accept it sooner than later. Not like my mum when dad left, or me when she died."

"Rog..." John pulled him as close as possible with the bump and Esmail in the way, "It won't happen. Not like then, you've got to at least stay positive, for the baby."

"I'll try, I promise." He rested his head on John's shoulder.

John gave him a squeeze, Esmail must've picked up on something, reaching out to pat Roger's face.

Roger couldn't not smile from that. "Thank you, sweetheart," he told him, kissing his cheek.

The baby gave him a grin that shows all three of his teeth, going back to eating his hand after. 

"Uh, am I interrupting?" Tim peeked around the door.

"Not really." Roget looked over. "What's up, Tim?"

"I came to give yous this," he handed them the shilling. The king’s shilling. "Thought you could buy the baby something or something maybe. I don't know."

"...Tim, please don't tell me you got this from-"

"It's the join up pay." He nodded, not quite meeting their eyes, "With all the celebration that betas are allowed front line, all the lads from the town have gone, and I don’t want to be getting white feathers now, I thought it would be good."

"Tim, what have you done?" Elton got up from the table. "We don't need you on the front line, we need you here."

"Elton come on, it's not happening here. Nothing is happening here, it's all out there." Tim turned to face him, "They were saying in the wireless how much of the world you'd get to see, how much honour it is, how when you come back everyone will be seen as equal if they fought, that we’ll all be able to afford motor cars and a sunday suit."

"We don't need you to be a hero." Elton looked at him helplessly. "We need you to be safe. Going right to the front lines? Tim-"

"I want to, it's all I can do to help." Tim told him, almost casually, "It's too late now anyway. My uniforms arrived, they’re sending me there to get active training."

Roger pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing softly. "We can't really stop you, even if we disagree with you. But we will miss you, Tim. I think you would have done good here, especially with the baby coming soon."

"And I will be right back to meet the baby soon. I promise. I've got to teach the pair of them how to misbehave, don't I?" He smiled, lip quivering even as he did. "And you should see the uniform, it's like a proper soldier. I suppose I am one now."

"You certainly are." Elton looked at John and Roger. "We may actually have to get a bit more help around here at some point."

"I don't know where from, there's only so many people they can send to us to help work the mines," John shook his head, "We'd be completely lost without them."

"I meant in the house." Elton looked at Roger. "Roger will be occupied with a baby and with Tim gone that leaves two of us to do everything else."

"We'll have to just make do, Es is getting less dependant by the second so I'll be able to help more, I'll move out of the cottage temporarily if that helps."

"We'll be fine." Roger sat back down at the table for now. "We can manage it, always have before."

"You'll have me out of the house too, that's one less mouth to feed, and yous don't need to stoke the fires in the rooms you don't use," Tim added, "Plus it'll be summer soon."

Roger nodded and rubbed the bump softly. He was trying to picture things turning out alright. Maybe Tim would come home a hero, maybe they all would.

***

“Ahh,” Freddie hissed, trying to squirrel away from Ried’s hands, the rum soaked bandage dabbing against the wound, “Bloody- I thought you were going to let me drink that.”

“No, it disinfects.” Ried dragged him back into place, “You’re lucky the bullet skimmed you.”

“At least pass me a smoke,” Freddie made a face as some more alcohol was poured onto his shoulder.

“Ran out,” Brian told him, still trying to fix the wooden planks that lay in the mud as walkways, not even gagging anymore as his shovel hit what remained from another poor soul, “There’s not been supplies in weeks.”

“What’s the bleeding use in us being here then?” Freddie asked. He had adapted better than the others, hair now cropped short and simple facial hair to match the army posters, “I thought they would move us around?”

“Attrition,” Brian threw the trowel down, making his way back, hunched for fear of snipers spotting him over the top of the parapet, “We’re here until we die.”

“We’re here until we leave. No bells in hell are ringing for me, not for any of us,” Freddie gave him a nod, shifting his legs so Brian could sit, “We’ll all go back to Blighty, back to ours. Bet John will have the kitchen packed with food, and the fires will be warm, Essy can learn to fly a kite and everything. I’d have bought him that, you know? He’ll be one tomorrow, I’d have gone into town and bought him a kite.”

“Freddie…” Brian sighed, “I’m so sor-”

“No. That’s the point Bri. I will buy him that kite, you’ll see it too,” Freddie insisted, “Bet you, this time next year, june 1916, I bet you we’ll all be home, I’ll be with Essy and John, Reid will probably still not be talking to Elton, you’ll have Roger, family of your own possibly.”

“Fred, just…” He didn’t want that image, not when it was so impossible. “You’ve got a bit of fever, that’s all this is. You’ll feel better by morning.”

“What are we doing tomorrow then?” Freddie sat back, putting his shirt back on now Reid was finished with the dressing, “You give the orders after all.”

“There’s not much, fix the wires, try to repair the trenches, any holes in the tin,” Brian listed off, “I’ve got to tell them to dig. The miners I mean, the ones from Oz.”

“Dig where? It’s shit,” Reid spoke up, leaning against the wall of the dug out, taking his bayonet to bits to clean, “Mud that sticks, drowns you alive if you get stuck. Saw that happen to the Bolan lad, his mate was shattered.”

“No, under the mud layer,” Brian grimmaced but moved on, “They’ll dig to plant explosives under the Flitzy trench, but the german’s are doing the same to us. If they meet in the middle then I’ve ordered them to their deaths.”

“Brian, you’re just following orders yourself,” Freddie pointed out, “Can’t exactly be a pacifist. Not here.”

“...If you’re right, Freddie, if you’re right and we do come home, I want to be the same man that left. Not a murderer.”

“Bri,” Reid shook his head slowly, eyes meeting Freddie’s for a split second, “I don’t think there’s any return to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> thank you all so much for reading this, I've absolutely adored all the comments and never thought this would be as well liked as it was. This isn't the most exciting chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it none the less, (if I've been torturing you on the clog discord then im sorry (ish)). As always folks, if you have any questions or requests or anything for this either drop them in the comments or head over to my tumblr (or Softs, I'm pretty sure she'd be up for that) both of which are the same name.
> 
> also if you're enjoying this go check out some of her other stories - ones I haven't dragged into being a history nerd's dream - or some of our other collabs (I've the odd solo story kicking about if you're really bored).
> 
> Love  
> pluto x


	13. There's A Silver Lining, Through The Dark Clounds Shining

Roger didn't know how much longer he could breathe it out. It was so much worse than he'd thought. Roger's pregnancy had been relatively easy, comparing it to how John's experience had seemed, but he was in so much pain. "John… John how much more?" he gasped softly, resting his head back on the pillows for a moment.

"It's over soon, I promise." John cooed. It had taken him and Elton a while to convince Roger that it was labour, that he had to stop and go with it, "I promise you, just breath it through."

"But the breathing isn't helping," Roger whimpered. "I just want them /out/, if they're not ready yet they should've waited."

"They were already a day over, how much longer do you want them to wait?" John manoeuvred Roger so he could check him again, "Sweetheart, you're still at six, it can take a while yet."

Roger groaned softly and shook his head. "No… No, they have to be closer..." He closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing.

"They're just shy," John gave him a smile, "Do you want to try walking a little? At least get more upright."

"No, it hurts too much." Roger shook his head. 

"It might help to move around a bit." Elton squeezed one of his hands softly. "Gravity, gets them heading down."

John glanced at Elton, they couldn't tell Roger just yet. Not in the middle of this. "He's right, come on, kneel on the bed if you don't want to move, it'll help."

"Right… okay." Roger carefully got up with their helo. It did feel a bit relieving to get off his back, and helped him breathe a bit easier. "Right. That's not too bad."

"They'll be a bit faster now," Elton added, "So, what was your final guess? Little boy was the last you said to me, have you changed your mind?"

"A girl," Roger decided. "I think it's going to be a girl. I'd love a boy just as much, but I can already see her."

"What's she look like?" Elton asked gently, "Kind and clever like her parents?"

"So much like her dad, I hope," Roger said softly. "Graceful, elegant, lots of soft brown curls, everything I love about him."

In a way John hoped he'd be wrong. Roger wouldn't do too well looking at a little replica running around if something did happen. But he also knew from Esmail that seeing the reminder made him feel better. "I'm sure she will be, you'll have to keep an eye on her not running off to look at the sky in a tree house, huh?"

"Of course." Roger nodded and smiled a little. "Got to build her one first. I bet her dad would've loved it."

"He will, bet you the minute he's back it'll be planned, him and Freddie will make it stupid big for the kids to play in," John told him, "They will."

"Would be nice." Roger still didn't have his hopes up for it, not a bit. He had sort of pretended to be optimistic for John's sake, but he had basically given up on a happy ending. "Got more important things to focus on right now, babies to raise and properties to manage. Treehouses can come later."

John nodded, checking him again after a long while, "Love, that's pretty much eight or nine now," he told him, "I'd suggest getting into whatever position is best. It won't be long at all now."

Roger nodded, settling back with the pillows, a bit more upright now. He was preparing himself mentally as much as he could.

"Just have to wait it out until you need to push," Elton assured him, sitting to the side so he could help support him later, "Then you'll be a mama."

"Should be all worth it then." 

It certainly was. 

As stubborn as the little one was, Roger delivered the little thing within the hour, sobbing for all of his pains as he did, the mental starting to outweigh the physical as his mind wandered further into dark spaces.

She looked a bit like her dad already, if the dark hair was anything to go by, and Roger felt she was an alpha by her scent when she was in his arms. He pressed kisses to her head, soothing her gently, and he caught his breath, tears running down his cheeks onto her. Tears for a father she may never know. "My lovely girl. You're just what I needed, weren't you?"

"She's stunning, really, healthy girl too," Elton was (somewhat pointlessly) dabbing a towel onto her head to clear her up, "Do you have a name all picked out?"

"There's a few I've been thinking about," he told him. "Elizabeth, Marion, Lucy… but now that I see her, I think she's a Felicity. It means happiness, and I want her to be happy and make other people happy too."

"Felicity May, she does sound like a princess," he nodded, "And a Dom on the first go is something, no offence Deaks."

"No, it really is something, you've done well, Roger." John put a hand on his shoulder. "Felicity May… it's lovely."

"Felicity Grace May." Roger decided, slipping his finger into her little fist. "Such a strong grip already. You'll be loved and respected by all, dear. I can already tell."

"She'll be one of the good ones, how could she not?" Elton smiled, "Aww, look at that big yawn."

"Sleepy girl." Roger chuckled softly. "Get as much sleep as you need, mama's got you, dear."

"I'll get her changed into something in a few hours, give her a proper little wash too," John promised, pulling a thick blanket over Roger now he was sorted out, "I'll just be next door, call if she needs a change."

"Will do." Roger held the little one close, cuddling her against his chest as sweet as could be. He'd just enjoy her for a while, let her nap and get comfortable with him.

"I'll go as well, let you have some bonding time with Felly? Liccy?" Elton squinted, "Tee? What're you calling her for short?"

"Good question." Roger looked back at her. "I think Fey sounds about right? I know it's not quite the same as how you pronounce it in her name, but it sounds quite mystical really, like something out of one of those poems he loves,” Like one of the poems or stories he should be there to tell her, “but does it work?"

"Adorable, really," he nodded, "I let you get acquainted."

"You can hold her later," Roger promised. "Thanks for your help, Elton."

"You're both family to me, it's nothing, really," He assured him, "I better go help John, do you want me to mention her in the letter?"

Roger nodded. "Yes. You can let them all know what's waiting for them."

He opened his mouth to say something, but then again John had told him not to. Roger was too fragile right now.

Roger was focused on the little one again. He watched him go, then looked back at the baby. "I don't know if your papa will ever meet you, Fey. Or your Uncle Freddie, or Uncle Tim. But I know they'd have loved you to pieces, just as much as I do.”

She was sleeping against him, little red lips opening and closing as she made little noises. “You’d like Tim, he’s a child. But he’s a good one, always laughing about something, can make dirty comments about anything and make us laugh. And Freddie; you’ll get it when you meet Esmail soon - how someone can have so much energy and kindness and not have bad days, remarkable really.” Roger wondered quietly if Freddie had finally broken on the war front, if he’d ended up crying or lashing out, if it had made him more soldier than man… 

“Then there’s your papa… I don’t know what to tell you about him, delicate. Not in a bad way, but like something out of one of his explanations, a one off with too much raw emotion inside him. You can see it at times, like fire in his eyes when he’s in his own head, like there's a far more complicated world in there.” Roger told her, “I'm gonna make things as good as I can for you, and you're going to have everything you need thanks to your daddy. We'll never forget him. I'll make sure of it."

She opened her eyes then, quietly looking up at him as if studying the face in front of her.

"So that's what you've got from me, is it? Lovely pair of baby blues, at least for now." Roger smiled softly and rubbed her cheek gently with his thumb. "Hello, sweetness. Mama's glad to meet you."

She closed her eyes after a bit, cozying into the scent, making the odd noise here and there as she settled.

Roger kept her close, rubbing her back gently. He didn't sleep, just peacefully rested with the baby in his arms.

***

Brian ducked into the shell hole as the shrapnel flew past him, halving the man just feet away from him.

They’d been ordered to walk. Ordered to go over their trenches and walk to the other side, go in a neat straight line of men over the mile to the German trenches, the muddy Somme field sticking to their shoes.

He’d been ordered to tell them, tell them how they’d been airbombing the enemy for days, how they would walk in simply and call it a day, advance to something after so long on the salient. Their battalion had just got back, they were still covered in mud from the last place, no time to write letters to apologise for the months worth of letters they’d missed, that had been burned in the fires that tore through their world.

He was beside Freddie again, Reid was god knows where, when the whistles blew. A football was kicked along the line to make sure the soldiers kept it straight, the sun beating down on them as they started.

Brian didn’t even hear the guns at first. The person next to him fell, as if he’d slipped; Brian went to help him up, only then seeing the bloody pulp of a face there was left, a bullet having gone through. He looked out across the line, watching them fall like pins.

Freddie must’ve pulled him away as the artillery shells started to rain down, huge craters where soldiers once stood. Where someone's dad once stood, where the local teacher, or the shop keeper that always let the kids pick penny-chews for free once stood, where someone's son, or lover, or friend once stood.

The mud got deeper as they went, the world darkening with smoke around them. Behind them, tucked away and safe, the commanders called back the attack. But what use was that?

Freddie had gone to help someone with a stretcher, leaving Brian laying out there in the blood soaked mud. Slowly he moved into a crouch, eyeing the next shell hole when he saw something he never wanted to see again.

He slid down in the opposite direction, closer to the gunfire, landing side by side with someone, screaming for his life as they clutched at his chest, only a young lad too…

“Tim? Tim it’s me-”

“Bri, Bri I want to go h-home now,” he gasped, bloody hands gripping Brian’s coat, “I don’t want to be here… I want to go home.”

“I know, come on, we can get you to the auxiliary tent, where the medics are,” Brian moved to try pick him up, just making the boy scream in pain, “Tim, please, we’ve got to go…”

“I don’t know where I am,” Tim shook his head, lips and face starting to drain from colour, tear marks streaking down his face, “I don’t… I don’t w-want to die… Not here.”

“You won’t,” Brian took his hands, knowing he would. Yet another lie for the damned. “I’ve got you-”

“I don’t want to die alo-” He started to cough up blood, an explosion to their right making him hold onto Brian tighter, “Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Tim,” Brian held him, he was only a child, only a boy, “Shhh. Just go to sleep, alright? I’ll be right here.”

“I’m scared.” Brian might not have heard it if he hadn’t been so close, “I want my mum.”

“She’ll be there when you wake up,” Brian promised. Tim’s mum had died years ago, when he was only a small child. He was barely anything more than that now, dying on a battlefield far far from home. “It’ll all be over soon.”

And it was. Brian held him through it, as he faded away to the sound of death. He hadn’t even known Tim was there fighting until just a few minutes ago, now he was rocking his dead body, covered in his blood as he sobbed his own tears.

He wasn’t a soldier, he was a witness to the last breath of humanity.

“We have to go!” Freddie pulled him away, Tim’s corpse falling heavily onto the wasteland, “There’s no time-”

“We can’t leave him.” Brian shook his head, struggling out of his grasp, “He deserves the burial-”

“They’re not taking the dead, Brian, they’re hardly taking back the injured,” Freddie let go, “If you want to honour him then run.”

“He was a boy.” Brian snapped.

“Well he died a fucking man!” Freddie shoved him back out of his face, “Look I… Get his necklace. We can bury that.”

Brian ducked back down to the boy, taking the small locket off of him. “We bury this at home. If this is his body, he shouldn’t rest here.”

“Agreed,” Freddie nodded, pulling at him again, “But we have to get their first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> First of all, sorry, second of all, thank you so much for all the support you've given this fic, I really appreciate all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Pluto


	14. Let No Tears Add To Thier Hardship

John waited another few days before even considering telling him anything. "How're you feeling? Still very sore?"

"Pretty sore, but so much better than the other day." Felicity was napping in her bedside cradle, so Roger could keep an eye on her. He'd just finished a bit of breakfast and tea himself.

"It gets easier," he let Esmail down to walk around where he could be seen, "Doesn't she just look gorgeous in that bonnet?"

"She really does." Roger smiled softly. "I'm surprised she hasn't wiggled it off or fussed about it. She was very against socks."

"Es was very against everything, remember? They stop fussing once they're used to it," John smiled, "Is she still sleeping and feeding well?"

"Yes, she's a big eater, but she gets her naps in, like now." Roger reached over and adjusted her blanket.

"Good..." John smiled, not knowing what more he could say without just saying it.

"Is something up?" Roger set his tray aside. "You seem a little off, John."

He sighed, keeping his eyes on his son so as to not meet Roger's, "We got a letter back from Tim, he's reached the lines."

"Oh… well, I suppose that's what he was hoping for." Roger shrugged. "We can only hope he'll hold on, as much as we can for the other three."

"He said he asked about them, Reid and Freddie have been moved onto some other part of the world... They're still alive, or they were a few months ago when they were last heard from."

"Right...okay." Roger nodded a bit. "He hasn't seen Brian then."

"He set out with them, last they heard he was at a hospital... But that means he's still alive, right?"

"Mmhmm." Roger looked back at the baby again. "Maybe they'll send him home then. Honorable discharge."

"There you go, I said there was hope," John smiled, "I bet he'll be back in no time."

"Of course." Roger gently scooped the baby up, not because she woke up, because he felt he needed her then. He kissed Felicity's head softly, giving her a little snuggle against his chest. Things were okay.

"That was all, he's too busy to do much but he'll try find out," John finished, glad that Roger had taken it well, "I'll eh... I'll go."

Roger nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for passing it on. Make sure you sent them our love, right?"

"Course, I'll send a parcel over, just some sweets and cigarettes for them," John smiled, picking up his child before he could crawl under the bed, "I'll bring you up some lunch later, do you want anything else? Something to keep you occupied?"

"A baby is enough for now," he decided. "Thank you though, dearest. I'll give you a call if I think of anything.

"Course, course," he hollered by the door a moment longer before leaving.

"Really makes you wonder, doesn't it, bug? What's really going on over there?" Roger adjusted her swaddling blanket gently, glancing out the window. "You think papa can still see the stars over there?"

She just gurgled at him, hand holding onto his finger, as far as she was concerned, everything was fine.

Roger kissed her tiny fingers delicately. "I wish I knew more about them, he could probably tell you lots of stories about the constellations and all. Maybe I'll be able to find a book somewhere. Make him proud.'

She looked up at him, groggily awake, trying to lose the hat already now she could. For her it was easier, she just wouldn't know what was going on.

Roger chuckled softly, adjusting the bonnet into place again. "Sillyheart. Mother knows best, keep your tiny ears warm."

She seemed to not like that at all, whimpering loudly. John watched on from the hallway through the crack in the door, this was good, Roger hadn't rejected the baby and still had hope.

"Oh come on now, it's not all that bad." Roger bounced her gently, peppering a few kisses to her head. "You're going to be fine, it's all alright. Just settle down now. You want some lunch, will that help you forget?" He rubbed her chest, unbuttoning the top of his nightgown. "Here, let's give it a try.'

It appeased her, she wasn't a big crier anyway. She kept her eyes on Roger a lot, whenever she was awake. They were very definitely Roger's eyes she had.

"Good girl." Roger absolutely loved looking down to meet her baby gaze. So much emotion and wonder in them. It could almost make him forget everything else.

But that had been a year ago. 

Twelve months since they heard from Tim, a whole year more months without any word from the front, knowing how trapped the Doms were, an entire battalion forced into a trench non-stop now.

***

"Essy, Es stop, you'll scare her," John chastised, trying to stop his nearly two year old from scaring Felicity. "You have to be gentle, baby."

"He's only playing, Fey," Roger reassured his daughter, who was watching Esmail with wide blue eyed as he tried to get her to chase around. "But Es, she can't run yet. She's too wobbly on her feet."

"Wanna play," Esmail frowned, sitting by her instead. They had the space outside like a sort of play area for them, especially now it was scorching during the summer, small blanket on the grass for them to enjoy it. "M'sorry Fessily."

"It's alright." Roger kissed the little one's cheek. "Why don't you show Felicity how you stack the blocks? She quite likes block towers, putting them up and knocking them down."

"Poor things, there's so much going on around them," John commented, "You think they notice?"

Roger shook his head. "They're carefree as they should be. You can tell just looking at them."

"Fay looks very worried actually," John couldn't help but laugh at the poor girl trying to guard her blocks from Esmail, "Es is just like Freddie in a way. Nothing seems to bother him."

Roger smiled a little. "Poor sensitive girl, her Alpha will come out as she grows. Shame she doesn't have one around to teach her, a proper one.'

"He'll come back," even John was wavering now, it had been just nearly two years. Too many months since they'd heard from the alphas and even Tim hadn't written in weeks - but he could guess why by now. "Imagine how proud he'll be of her, and of you for raising her so well."

"Of course." Roger softly patted his shoulder. He had basically given up, but he'd become much more calm about it. "It'll be over before you know it."

"Elo!" Felicity squealed, interrupting them, waving her arms at Elton. He'd come in later than normal, carrying a large yellow envelope, placing it down.

It was a telegram.

"Hello, milady." Elton sat down beside her, pulling her into his lap. "How's the little princess doing? Playing nice with your cousin?"

"What've we got here then?" Roger looked at the envelope. "Did you already open it, Elton?" 

"No, no it looked terribly official," Elton shook his head,smiling in the denial of it all. He knew what a telegram meant. They all knew what it meant. "You want a cuddle too, huh? Persian Prince and English Madam."

Esmail nodded and took the other spot on his lap, letting himself be held. Roger took the letter, opening it up and reading it over a few times. He handed it to John quietly, shaking his head. That… he needed a second opinion.

Elton looked up. He could see it wasn't good, they weren't sobbing so it wasn't Freddie or Brian, "Was it Mr Reid? Has something happened?"

"It's Tim." Roger looked over. "He was on the front line… they say he went honourably for king and country... He's not coming home.'

"He's not coming home?" Elton looked at him, he'd been expecting a letter like this since it started, but to actually get one didn't make it easy, "Was it... Was it peaceful? Does it say?"

"No way to tell. It was grenades going off, they found his pips with a handful of others’, weeks after the attack - no body." Roger shook his head. "We can only hope."

"I'll have to go tell his grandparents, God..." John sighed, rereading the letter, "He was just out of his depth, they all are."

"Of course he was… so foolish. Running off in search of glory." Roger looked over at the babies. "How could he think it would be worth it?"

"Cause he was young and they promised him everything, told him there wouldn't be danger that he'd be a hero." John nodded, "You see it on the papers, cartoons making fun of those who don't go, they’re encouraging people to hand them white feathers now, a sign of cowardice."

"Awful… just awful." Roger smoothed his skirt out with his hands.

"Are you crying?" Esmail looked up to Elton, "Do you want hugs?"

"I'll always want hugs, darling," Elton told him, letting the little one wrap his arms around him as much as he could. He squeezed him softly with one arm, his other arm still around Felicity.

"I don't know what we do now... Sort his things I guess," John commented, "Put some flowers or something outside."

Roger nodded. "Yes. Should we pack it up and let his grandparents sort through it? I don't know if there's anything they'd want to hold on to."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll contact them, I don't think he had anyone else, he’d have taken his mother’s necklace with him," John was wiping his eyes, trying not to break in front of the children, "There's not even a body they can say goodbye to.”

Roger gave John a gentle side hug. "I know, I know… it's going to be alright, John."

"It's not... It'll be the same for the others," he said quietly, controlling his voice, "They'll all just be lost out there, dying alone and scared."

Roger looked at Elton. "Can you watch the two of them? We'll be back in a few minutes."

"On it," he'd pulled them both towards him when John had kicked off, "Go, I've got them."

Roger nodded, helping John up and taking him out of the room. In the kitchen was far enough. "Alright, come on. Just… talk it out.”

"He's out there, Freddie, he's out there all by himself and one day he'll be like Tim. Just another name on the list of dead, there wasn't anything, no indication of how he actually went, if he was scared, hurt, alone, nothing... There's not going to be anyone there to tell them they are loved, that we'll remember them..."

Roger squeezed his hand gently. "Alright, alright. Take a moment, love, breathe." John was getting a bit more worked up than he realized.

He let out a sort of half sob, "They'll die out there, and we're told it's a good thing, that they died for a good cause. Esmail doesn't even remember him."

Roger pulled him close, holding him to his chest. "It's gonna be alright, John. Really. I know how much it hurts, I know how scary it is. Brian might never meet Felicity, and that… it really breaks my heart. But no matter what, we have to be strong. You don't have to be strong around me, and we can have our moments together. You have to be strong for Essy, and you have been, but it's alright to step away sometimes, and I'll always be here, Elton too."

John nodded, taking a good few minutes to just cry, letting it all out. "You were right," he said at last, "It really does hurt sometimes to see them act and look so similar."

"I know. I just… I guess I had my breakdown earlier on." Roger rubbed his back. "We're gonna get through it."

"For them," John nodded, "We do it for them."

"Yes. And to make Fred and Brian proud too, right?" He kissed his cheek.

"I sometimes imagine they never left, that Fred's just chasing our boy in the garden and carrying him around on his shoulders, that maybe we have another one too, a little girl or boy for Freddie to be a dad to," John said, "You do it too, I can tell."

Roger nodded. "When she's playing with flowers - getting the petals stuck in her hair, looking at birds, I could just imagine him laying there with her, being gentle and holding ladybirds for her, and then telling her about the stars at night. He'd be so sweet with her, love her to pieces. I want her to grow up to be like him."

"She'd be mumbling random bits of poetry, trying to solve problems," John smiled a little, "It'll still happen."

"I sure hope so." He was going to try to make Brian as present as possible, even if he was actually AWOL.

"Come on... it wasn't fair to abandon Elton, not with trouble makers like them," He dusted himself off, "And we should do something for Tim, just a little corner in the garden, make it all nice."

"Sounds like a plan." He kissed his temple. "Let's go grab the babies first, though.

Elton (currently under siege from the toddlers) looked up at them, raising an eyebrow as if to ask if it was all over now.

John gave him a nod, moving to pick Esmail up, "That's no way to attack your uncle, little man," he tutted, "Tickle him instead."

"Yeah, give kissies, Fey," Roger told her. Fe smiled softly and obliged, giving Elton a few little kisses (the best she knew how - more like gentle headbutts).

Elton went with it, playing dead while trying not to laugh - pretending like there was no letter, eyes still red behind it. "The ultimate betrayal," he lay back to let them play, "Left with two little monsters."

"Oh, they're angels." Roger crossed his arms. "You just need to learn to give play."

"I'm not the problem, it's them with their higher mental age," he joked, keeping it light for now. The children didn't need to get sad vicariously.

Roger smiled and knelt down beside him to supervise. "Come now, they're being very sweet. Fey is never naughty, are you baby?"

"No, mama," she shook her head, slowly making her way over to her mum, "am a lady."

"I know you are, the loveliest and sweetest little one there ever could be." Roger picked her up and kissed her face, making her giggle.

She wrapped her arms around him as best she could, smiling away at him.

"Is a certain little miss getting all protective over her mummy?" John asked. He supposed it was a thing all alpha children did, but you could see it with her, always trying to protect her toys and things.

"That's my girl." Roger held her close. "Now let's think about something more fun, like… dinner. Or dessert, rather. I'm sort of in the mood to make up some biscuits, the sugar from the shop arrived this morning, and I think we have a few little willing kitchen helpers."

"Sweeties?" Felicity said, her way of asking for the chocolate chip ones, "Sweeties, please mama."

"Got to admit Rog," Elton got himself up, "She makes a valid point."

"Of course she does, and I offered." Roger walked her inside. "Quite the vocabulary for a one year old - or near enough, dear, you know how to get what you want."

"She gets that from you," John told him, Esmail at his heels, "That boundless confidence to just get things done."

Roger smiled softly. "It'll serve her better than it serves me, she has the authority."

"It's weird to think, isn't it?" Elton smiled at the girl, "She's got more authority that'll any of us do, technically at least. Never thought I'd like the idea of a posh baby until now."

"She's not gonna be too posh, are you lovebug?" Roger set her down as he started getting his things out to get baking, tying an apron on.

"Wha's 'poss'?" She looked up at him, "Am no poss."

"Exactly." Roger gave her a measuring cup. "You're in charge of not losing this, mummy will need it later.

"Can I mix?" Esmail leaned up on the counter, standing on the chair. "Mummy says I'm big and strong now."

"When I get things together you can." Roger started combining a few things in a bowl. There were some recipes he knew well enough to just rattle off, and be flexible with a measurement here and there.

"We best get some things tidied, start on Tim's stuff too," John nodded to Elton, "Rog, you okay with those pair yourself?"

"Yes, nothing I can't handle," he told him. "I'll see you guys later."

"We won't be too far if you need anything." Elton promised, moving towards the door.

Roger nodded and looked back at the little ones. "Already, Essy, I'm gonna add some dry stuff into the eggs and milk, you wanna help me blend it with the spoon?"

"Yeah," He watched the ingredients get added, moving the spoon around in it, "Roggie, why was mummy crying?"

***

It felt like they’d hardly gotten the night’s sleep after that battle.

They were all awake well into the early hours of the morning, eyes shut tight, trying not to see the same images over and ove- Tim’s blood was still on him. Brian swore he could smell it.

He’d long since abandoned his coat, too ruined by mud and barbed wire scrapes that cut into his flesh beneath it, his whole chest starting to constrict with the taste of blood.

“I think he’s just dreaming,” Brian could hear Reid say, burning the seams of his uniform under a candle’s flame, “It’s all a bit much for him.”

“It’s a bit much for us all,” Freddie’s voice replied, the hardness was already gone, emptied of it all really - so long on the hell fire, burning out. “Let him sleep, no use us all being tired, not for tomorrow.”

“They’re making us fight again? I don’t even want to wake up.” Reid huffed, talking as if it were nothing more than the weather, “I want rest, see the sky for a while.”

“I think we’re going over the top again, moving us down the line away from this place, something about gas.”  
Brian whimpered, he’d stopped listening, still feeling like his skin waswet with blood, no matter how much he scrubbed at his hands. He tried to take a deep breath, the taste of old pennies filing his throat, making him choke.

Freddie leaned back to touch his shoulder, assuming he was just dreaming, another dark and twisted half dream half memory. “Reid…” His hand was met with a dampness, too much to be sweat. He drew back, seeing it soaked through with red. “Shit… Brian?”

Reid tugged his shirt up, the pale flesh of his shoulder cut up and raw, bits of shrapnel still embedded in it, “Fred, pass the alcohol.”

“We should get the medic-”

“There’s too many people dying for them to listen,” Reid shook his head, “Must’ve had too much adrenaline to notice…”

“He still shouldn’t fight tomorrow,” Freddie winced when the clear liquid was poured on the wound, Brian’s whole body shifting as if electrified, silent however. Maybe he just knew better than to scream. “That could kill him-”

“And if he has to spend any more time away on leave they’ll court marshal him.” the older man snapped, “And that will kill him. A criminal’s death.”

“And you can explain that to Roger when he winds up with no one,” Freddie stepped back, “You can explain how it’s on you that he didn’t come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey
> 
> I hope you've all enjoyed that chapter, a few different time changes, getting them all on the same time, also a bit of an easier chapter after the last one.
> 
> Thanks for reading
> 
> Plutoxxx


	15. Til The Boys Come Home

"One of our friends has gone away, and he's never going to come back," Roger told Esmail, the little boy still looking up for answers that the whole world was asking, asking questions he didn’t understand but that made them all cry themselves to sleep... "We miss him very much."

"Was it papa?" He asked curiously, only really knowing the name papa as the name of someone who has gone away, no memory of its significance..

Roger shook his head. "No, it was a man named Tim, who worked here with us. He left when you were smaller than Fey, before she was born.”

"Was there loads and loads of people working here?" He cocked his head to the side, giving a familiar frown, another echo to something that might be lost, "There's not so many here right now, only in the mine now."

"There were a few more people here," Roger told him. "I used to work here too, but I'm in charge of the house now because the person that owns the house fell in love with me. He's Felicity's dad, and he's out working with your dad and lots of others, to keep us safe from bad people."

"Da?" Felicity mumbled, clutching the measuring cup. A whip-like sting curled around Roger’s heart, tearing into it all, the raw wound bleeding freely. She’d never said that before.

"Like knights?" Essy asked, "Killing all the dragons and witches."

"Yes, exactly. They're very brave and they can't wait to come home someday." Roger picked his daughter up, not looking at her for a second, completely unable. "Let's get some sugar in with your cup, okay Fey?'

"What if they don't like us?" He meant himself and Felicity, "Since they don't really know us. What if we don't like them?"

"Oh don't be silly." Roger took his hand. "You are going to absolutely love them, and they will love you no matter what. Darling, you remind me so much of your daddy, you're going to get along so well."

"Mummy says I look like him," he stated proudly, "Is it the same with Fessy and her daddy?"

Roger nodded. "She reminds me of him every single day. She takes after him quite a bit."

And didn’t it just burn. How closely those echoes sounded, the echoes of him - so far away and so lost.

"Cause she's got dark hair and you don't," he nodded, sort of understanding. Felicity herself wasn't really listening, just holding the cup and poking the sugar around, trying to lick it.

Roger leveled the cup and helped her dump it into the bowl, then let Esmail stir again. "Mmhmm. Stuff like that... Now, the best part." He held up a bag of chocolate chips.

"Choco," she made grabby hands for them, having a bit of a sweet tooth, "choco sweeties."

"Say please,'" he told her, opening the pouch.

"Pease, mama, sweetie?" She looked at him wide eyed, hair falling into her face, "pwetty pease?"

"Alright, lovey." Roger put a few of the little chips in her hand. "Here you are, bubba. You want some too, Es?"

"Yeah," he cupped his hands, "Thank you, Uncle Rog."

Roger gave him a few too. "You're welcome, lovey." He added the rest of the bag to the dough and mixed it up himself. "Now, we're gonna do something a bit different. Instead of making little bickies, we're gonna make a big pan of it. You can help me scoop it on the tray.”

"One big biscuit?" He looked confused, using the spoon to 'help' pat it down on the tray.

"Yeah, that's the idea," he told him - face neutral, worn out from the years of hoping without reward. "We cup it up into squares once it's baked, like a brownie.

Esmail nodded, eagerly watching him work. He was thinking about what had been said though, the soul of a child dragged through a war of its own, just like Felicity’s would be if something didn’t break soon. Whether they lived or died, it had to end soon.

"Can you tell me about papa? Mummy doesn't tell me..."

"...it's really not my place, Esmail," Roger sighed, putting the bake in the oven, shoving a wooden log into it too. They were running out, he’d have to go out to chop more, the omega of the house, like a wood merchant. "I don't wanna hurt your mama's feelings… but know that he was a caring, hardworking, loving papa. Mama and him were so in love. For a while it wasn't allowed for them to be together, but they loved each other so much, they stuck together. And then they had you and it was even happier for them.”

"I don't remember him," he admitted, "I want to though, I sometimes try to dream of him, or tell Mama I remember. So he smiles."

"Just keep being good and having hope that he'll come home, that's the best you can do," Roger told him, would it be false hope? "Maybe you can ask your Mama another time, alright?"

"I will keep hoping," he promised, "And I'll ask Mummy too."

"Give Mummy some time, though. He's very sad right now; he needs lots of cuddles and kisses and good behavior, okay?"

"Okay dokay," he nodded, "I'll always be nice to mummy."

"I know you will, you're quite a good boy." He smiled softly and nodded. "Now I'll put this in the oven and we'll play while we wait for it to bake."

Felicity squealed happily at that, chocolate all round her mouth. All in all she didn't really take much in, neither did Esmail a lot of the time, but he was beginning to realise, she would too one day.

Roger scooped her up and kissed her head. "How did you get so dirty with just three tiny chips?"

She looked up at him innocently, reaching to his face with mucky hands.

Roger set her on his hip, using the corner of his apron to wipe her up. "I love you."

"Wuv you too, mama," she planted a messy kiss on his cheek.

Roger smiled and kissed the top of her head, bouncing her gently. He put the ingredients and utensils away robotically, mindlessly as they were now. They'd keep an eye on the time. "Let's wash our hands and have some play time.”

“Why did they go to war?” Esmail looked back up at him, big brown eyes just like the ones staring at the same battlefields that had been there for three long years now.

“To fight the bad people, I said,” Roger led them to the area by the fire, stoking it with some coal. He’d find them a story, a poem if he could. Fuel for the echoes that washed through him like bleach.

“Why are they bad?”

“Because that’s what we’re told,” He shrugged, “Why don’t you paint your Mummy some flowers.”

Esmail nodded, getting his paper from the chest they kept their toys in. He knew even at his age that was a question too far. 

Roger flicked through a book, one that looked old and battered, childish handwriting marking the first page; B. H May. He followed the doodles, the weird little drawings of birds and forest animals. Roger easily found the page most opened, where the spine was worst bent and the corners torn from dog ears.

“You know, Fey, there was once a little boy in a treehouse that read this book… When all the world is young lad, and all the trees are green; and every goose a swan, lad. And every lass a queen; then hey for boot and horse, lad, and round the world away; young blood must have its course, lad, and every dog his day…”

Fey was quiet, trying to understand words she didn’t know, words she wouldn’t know for years. Roger wished Brian were there, he’d know how to read it properly, know how to make it sound right. But still he continued - Brian wasn’t there, and until he was there was no use waiting. “When all the world is old, lad, and all the trees are brown; when all the sport is stale, lad, and all the wheels run down; creep home, and take your place there, the spent and maimed among: God grant you find one face there, you loved when all was young.”

***

“He can barely stand,” Freddie shook his head, watching Brian lean heavily on the wall, “This is going to kill him.”

“He’s a captain, it’s his job to go over the top first.” Reid told him, “If he doesn’t he’ll be court marshalled. It’s better to die in vain than that.”

Freddie bit his lip, hearing the whistle go down the line of trenches behind him, they were here to die trying - where had glory gone? Where had the rich commanders and well studied sargeants gone? It was just them, them and the world, walking through the fields of dead and dying and only adding to the problem. 

He hated this, the moment before the battles, the endless moment when the world was a live wire. He looked around him now, children no older than Tim had been, boys wanting their mothers, old men wanting a peaceful death. There were no soldiers in that minute. He only saw humanity at its filthiest, its most desparate, and there was nothing more to give.

And what was he? He’d killed, he’d fought and soldiered in the mud, he’d been shot at and shelled and left for dead. Was he now a soldier? Would his grave stand there with the others, somewhere alone on a belgian plane with the word soldier written across it? He had been a businessman, he’d worked as honestly as he could his whole life, an orphan at a young age, working to live, to be a good man. He’d been an artist; drawing any face from memory, but now they faded from the page, just another soul he’d see holding up the walls of the trench as it decomposed.

He’d been a lover, a Dom to John, something worth being, a life worth having. He’d had a family, his son, his little boy he’d never see again as the coin of his life spun in the balance. Esmail wouldn’t remember him, he’d just be a story. That would be best, wouldn’t it? Just a story of a good man lost at war. Better than a warrior returning frm the feild.

Better than being a murderer first, father later.

Brian blew his whistle, pulling himself up the ladder with his good arm. His eyes too faded to really notice, uniform still torn and ruined by his shoulder as he went first, standing up above them all, running.

The others poured in after, running towards the fire and dust. Brian saw faces in it all, the curling of the flames and the skies that lit up in the dark, the ongoing storm of death. He saw Roger, his raw energy and compassion. He heard the screams around him as he fell to his knees.

Eye’s shut. Deep breath… He was back in that long garden as a child, running up the hill to the gardener’s shed after months away at boarding school, scared and frightened.

Hands touched the cold water around his knees… He shut the door of the hut loudly behind him, head still pounding from the doctors and their machines.

Sound started to mute, kinder voices appeared in his head, telling him it was safe now… He was in the tree house with Roger, that kiss, the stars and fog and the moment that would burn forever now that it was over…

He let go of his breath, letting go of it all…

“Brian, move!” Freddie screamed, “It’s gas… you’ll burn alive. Brian! Brian come on, for Roger… Move!”

Brian couldn’t… he could feel it sinking into his exposed shoulder, the wound still open and infected, still seeping into his killer’s garb, into the rich red mud. He could let go completely, live forever in that moment in the tree house, live inside that kiss…

No, no he’d choose the second before it, the second before the paths were set, when the world’s were not yet aligned, he’d die for that mercy, that youth. His lungs filled, eyes watering with it, the thick burning gas, He could live in the second before his greatest happiness, the fruit of which always in front of him, if he let go, just him and Roger.

“Brian… For Roger, yes?” Freddie was still trying, still getting burned himself to try pull him back into the painful reality world, “You never killed for Roger, you don’t kill now.”

“For… Roger…” Would he be killing? To let himself fall here, to take the easier path? He opened his eyes, Freddie holding out his hand to him, the way to Roger, to the part of him that’d forever be a shell, that could never return to what he was. Or he could stay, rot in the mud but be in that golden eternity as himself.

Was it too late? Even through the hazes that clouded him he knew there was so little left, dangling from such a short rope and starting to let go. It wasn’t a pit he’d fall into, it was nothing. It wouldn’t be real, the treehouse, Roger, the kiss: it’d be like smoke, blowing away in the rain and dust and pain. There was only one way to see those blue eyes again.

So he reached out, taking the path less travelled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Hope you've all enjoyed this chapter, I've been loving all the comments and kudos that have been coming in for this, I'm so happy so many of you have liked this!


	16. Take Me Home To Dear Old Blighty

"John, John, you have to see this!" Roger rushed over to the kitchen where John was making their breakfast. He had a paper in his hand. He didn’t believe it when he saw it at first, thought he was hallucinating. But no, it was real. "It's over... The war, they've surrendered. It's over."

"What?" John stared, half snatching the paper, "They've won? It's over, it's finally done... They didn't die for nothing."

Roger nodded, wiping his eyes a little. "We won, John. They won."

"They won," John nodded, pulling him into a bone crushing hug, "We'll have to tell the children. And Elton, does he know?"

Roger shook his head, trying to remain happy for the ones that would get their families, for the ones that would get their families back. For the ones whose worlds were returning to normal. "Haven't seen him yet, but the word's spreading through the mines, the village, everyone's celebrating."

"We'll have to tell the kids, they'll be so excited to see it all, bet the whole town will be celebrating." John nodded, "Where are they now?"

"In the living room, come on." Roger let him go, walking back to the other room with him. The children were sat on the floor, playing with a few of their toys together. Roger was thankful that they got along so well, even now that they were old enough to argue and fight, they never seemed to.

Part of him wondered if that came from their fathers’ personalities, he’d certainly never seen Freddie and Brian fight while they were alive, they’d seemed to co-exist as alphas within the same household quite happily. But that had been four years ago, they’d been missing for the majority of that time.

"Mummy, Uncle John, you wanna join the tea party?" Fey looked over as they entered, holding a little tea cup up. 

"Not right now, darling," John sat down next to them, "We've got some big news... The war’s over."

"What's the war?" Essy looked up at them curiously, he’d heard the word thousands of times in his short life, but no one seemed to really explain it, just that it killed millions, which in itself was a statement he didn’t understand.

"It was all the good people and the bad people having a big fight," Roger explained. "And all the good people just won.”

"Does that mean our daddies are coming back?" Felicity asked, "And everything will be back to what you said it used to be like?"

"...not exactly, dear." Roger sat on the floor. "John… we have to be more honest.”

"Come here then... Your dads went to war a long time ago, and for a little time they wrote to us to say hello," he simplified, holding Esmail, his black hair waving around his ears like Freddie’s used to. "But then we didn't hear from them in a long time. Sometimes things go wrong out there, like with uncle Tim and we get told, other times they just don't know what's happened."

"A lot of people never come home from war," Roger added. "And your daddies… they're probably never going to come home." He pulled Felicity over, who was starting to look upset. "But the reason they don't come back is they saved us. Your papas are heroes, dear."

"But I want a papa not a hero," Felicity whined, her lower lip quivering, "I want papa to come back and look after you and me and everyone."

"I know, dear, we both do." Roger kissed the top of her head, hugging her to his chest. "It just… It doesn't always work out the way we want. We have to be strong."

"I'll look after you Mummy," she cried into his shoulder. John was holding Esmail in a similar way, wishing they'd had different news.

A few tears slipped down Roger's face as he held her. "I'm so sorry, my love. I'm sorry. But everything is gonna be alright.

"You promised he was coming back," Esmail said quietly. He knew he’d been lied to, but perhaps in a strange way he understood why; the adults had lied to themselves too, as long as the war was still happening there was a chance. "That everyone that worked here would come back." 

"I know love, I thought they would too," John admitted, just about controlling his own tears, "But you know what, dad would be so proud of who you are, you're exactly like him and that's the best thing in the world."

"I'm really sorry, Esmail," Roger told him. "I didn't mean to promise… almost nothing is ever certain. But I am certain I love you so so so much. So does your mama, and your papa too. No matter where he is."

"I want you to remember that, both of you," John looked at them, "Your fathers loved you both so so much. They were brilliant men, and they would've loved you to bits."

"They dreamed about you since before you were born, and they’ve passed away to keep us all safe," Roger added. "And we're never going to let you forget them.

"I wish you two could see how much you look like them," he looked at his son, "Those dimples and eyes especially, and your heart."

"And you." Roger looked at Felicity. "Darling, you have his hair, his nose… you have my eyes, but your sweetness and the way you look through them at the world, the way you are in nature, it's all your papa. And he was just as protective as you."

"Your mum's right, Fey," John nodded, "He used to say your dad was a miracle because of how different he was, but you're just the same as him, a tiny little miracle."

Felicity smiled a little. 'Really?" she asked softly. 

"Really." Roger smiled and nodded.

"Why don't we go and get you both some breakfast?" John looked at them both, wiping his eyes on his apron, "We'll sit and tell you all about them, you can ask anything you want too."

"Can we have scramble eggs?" Felicity asked softly, looking up at John. "You make them really good with the warm bread, and you leave it soft without toasting it."

"Of course, Princess," John smiled at her, looking at Essy, "You want some cut up sausage and eggs?" 

"Mhm," he nodded, staying relatively quiet for him, "thanks mama."

"The whole town is going to be having a party," Roger told them, trying to look on the brighter side. "Everyone is celebrating all the heroes, like your parents.”

"Can we go?" Esmail asked, "I wanna make sure they know papa was a hero."

Roger nodded. "We'll make sure we go and have lots of fun down there. Everyone will know, my love.”

That seemed to satisfy him, or he just didn't have much else to say on the subject. Still clinging to his mother, crying for a parent he'd only known a month and didn't remember.

It hurt Roger too, but it was just the way it was. It was harder seeing the children have to accept it, but they distracted them with the festivities. They took walks in the chilly November weather, went to the sweet shop to buy them sweets; Fey naturally gravitated towards the same things Brian had, and over the next few days tried to keep it as cheery as possible for them.

He knew they weren’t the only house to have lost people, but it hurt to see the truck loads of troops getting dropped back off at home and know that there wasn’t going to be anyone for them.

It was close to Christmas, a few weeks after the end of the worst war the earth had ever seen, a cold thundering night with rain battering down when it happened. Elton didn't wake up at the noise, the front door opening suddenly, but it certainly woke Roger. 

John and Esmail weren't likely to have walked all the way from the cottage in this weather, not without breaking their necks with the ice. Made him wonder if it was burglars.

Roger got up, quickly pulling on a robe over his dressing gown. He grabbed his lantern from beside the table, lighting it up and walking down the stairs, locking Fey’s door as he went. He held a vase in his other hand, just in case; he didn't have a lot of attachment to it, but if someone was down there he could use it. He got to the bottom of the stairs and followed the sound of footsteps to the main room.

There was a figure there, it was too dark to see much about them. They were tall, carrying a pack and had a long coat on. The figure was standing looking around with his back to Roger, looking as if mesmerized by it all, certainly not looking for valuabled.

"Who's there?" Roger asked, holding the lantern up. "John, it's not you, is it? Are you from the mines?"

"R-Roger...?" He turned slowly, keeping his eyes closed, not quite sure why. So many years of longing for this moment and he felt sick at the thought of it, he wanted so badly.

"...it can't be." Roger stepped closer, holding the lamp up, vase slipping from his grip and rolling on the floor. "I must be dreaming..."

"Roger,” he said a tad louder, voice cracking all the same, eyes slowly opening, his breathing picked up. Roger hadn't changed, at least not to his eyes. Made him think he'd died for real and this was just whatever came next, "My Roger.."

Roger held a hand up to his mouth. "Oh God… Brian, you're… we thought you were dead, long dead..."

"Roger," he couldn't think, reaching timidly halfway between them. He sort of expected that if he reached the whole way the image would disappear, the house, Roger, everything. That he'd be back there.

Back in the blood red mud with the ever pounding guns.

Roger reached over and took his hand gently. So much rougher than he remembered, stronger. He squeezed his hand softly. "Darling..."

That seemed to cement it for him, steadily taking a step towards him. Brian brought his hand up to Roger's face, holding it gently to the poor light of the torch, "You're beautiful."

Roger set the lantern down, still gazing up at him. "I really thought you were gone, love, I… when we stopped hearing from you-"

"They'd captured the salient in Ypres, we couldn't get anything in or out for over a year, then we got stationed somewhere else... I could never get a letter to you."

"We kept writing for a while but… well, we got a bit busy, and caught up and it got harder and harder not to just cry putting those things together.”

"Nothing came in, not even supplies," he shook his head, "I got set behind in the field hospital, Freddie got sent to the Ottoman Turks and Reid was put somewhere else in France."

"But have you seen them since? I… are they coming home to? Do you know if they're alive?" Roger reached up and brushed his hair back, it was shorter than he’d ever seen it, trying to curl like it used to.

"I don’t, I don’t know... There's been delays, trying to get everything back, people trying to identify the dead," he explained, a little numb to the whole thing, "I saw Tim at Somme, I'm sorry Roger, I don't know if you were told..."

Roger nodded slowly. "We got a telegraph about Tim, but not any of you. We had just given up and… oh, Brian… the little ones." He rested his hand on Brian's and squeezed gently. "Brian… you have to come and meet someone."

He frowned, not understanding, "What's happened? Did you reclaim?"

"No, no, darling..." Roger gestured to the stairs. "Our daughter… she was born while you were away. We wrote to you about it but… I suppose that didn't come through."

"Daughter?" He looked at him wide eyed, letting out a raspy breath "Our... I'm a father?"

Roger nodded. "To the most beautiful little Alpha girl you'll ever see. Come with me, I'll show you."

"No, not yet. I don't want her to remember me for the first time as a soldier," he stood still, pulling his hand back, "I don't want her to think of me like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, I really hope you enjoy this and I just want to say a quick thank you to all the people that have been commenting and giving kudos, its been phenomenal.
> 
> Love,   
> Pluto


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